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Heroic UCF Bar Offering Free Beer As Long As Scott Frost Remains Head Coach

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From Knight News:

The same bar that offered ‘free beer until UCF wins’ in the infamous 0-12 season is now offering free beer as long as Scott Frost remains UCF Football’s head coach.

Who is bankrolling The Basement Orlando bar at UCF? This bar is either run by nuns doing God’s work, teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and generously giving away free beer to anyone within 20 miles, or it’s just another Walter White car wash, cleaning middle Florida meth money under the guise of a diehard Knights establishment. It has to be one or the other and I’m leaning towards meth.

When the Knights sat at 0-4 two years ago, this same bar offered free beer until they got a win. The Knights responded by promptly going 0-12, and the fans rightfully responded by sucking down 15,000 of the Basement’s free beers. I just find it impossible that a bar that makes its money by selling beer (disclaimer: I’ve never owned a bar but I’m pretty sure that’s how it works) can give away 16,875 gallons of brew and stay in business. And not only stay in business, but stay in business long enough to once again offer everyone in Orlando free beer for as long as Scott Frost is the head coach.

This is the equivalent to Five Guys giving away free burgers for a week and then being like, “It’s weird we’re not making any money, but let’s do this until January!”

How is this bar not bankrupt three times over? Are they collecting the empty bottles, recycling them like homeless people, and using coins to pay their bills? Or maybe the landlord and the utility company employees are too busy blacking out on free beers to give a shit about timely payments. It’s baffling.

But the fact that The Basement still operates shows that they must be doing something right, something no other bar in the universe knows about. If I’m the president of UCF’s School of Business, I’m calling the financial wizard who owns The Basement and I’m begging him to present his innovative bar management techniques to my students. Then I’d immediately open a bar, give my entire stock of inventory away for free, and watch my investment skyrocket.

Obviously the free beer promotion only lasts as long as Scott Frost is the head coach at UCF, and it seems likely he’ll take the UF job after this season. But given the Basement’s track record of sabotaging their own profits, I don’t believe for one second that Frost leaving will actually end the waterfall of free booze. If I know The Basement like I think I do, they’ll come up with another free beer promotion, maybe one that can last an eternity.

If Scott Frost leaves, I fully expect The Basement to announce that they’re giving away free beer until he returns as head coach, ensuring that the blackout train rolls on, and that its passengers never have to pay for a boarding ticket.

[via Knight News]

Image via Instagram/ @thebasementorlando

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Ryco is a middling writer and a wildly mediocre stand-up comedian. He runs the unsuccessful Dead Jesters Sketch Comedy Podcast on iTunes.

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