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Hints That Your Fraternity’s Fundraising Event Might Suck

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If You’re Trying To Make A Profit Off Community Service

First and foremost, this raises some serious ethical and moral questions about your organization if you are actually trying to profit from community service. It’s community service. No one is looking to pay you for this shit. It is entirely expected that you are doing this pro bono. Therefore, get rid of ideas like, “Let’s attempt to actually sell the food to the people at the soup kitchen instead of just giving it to them,” or “We should put out a tip jar at our tabling event and say it’s going to our philanthropy, but really we just end up keeping it.” Don’t be fucking scumbags and make profit off charity cases.

Selling Illegal Substances (Or Food Laced With Them)

One of the often overlooked aspects of a solid fundraising event is the legality of it. Simply put, illegal fundraisers, while potentially profitable, tend to end extremely poorly, for obvious reasons. So no, brownies laced with weed at the student activities fair probably should not be put on your calendar of events for this upcoming semester.

Selling The Services Of Your Pledges

Although they may be your own personal servants for the semester, that does not mean that you can actually sell them or their services to other people in exchange for money. This idea is pretty much frowned upon by the majority of society, including the NAACP, IFC, your nationals, and any half decent human being. This will get your charter fried real quick.

Selling Your Pledges’ Personal Belongings

Contrary to popular belief, pledges also do have some rights, including the right to personal property. You cannot sell off their Xbox, or their clothes, or revealing pictures of their girlfriends. Sometimes, we all need a reminder that what is theirs does not automatically become ours once they sign a bid.

If The Phrase “Game Changer” Is Used, It’s Probably Not A Game Changer, Let Alone A Good Idea

We’ve all seen it. Someone shouts out a stupid idea at a chapter meeting such as, “Let’s have a real life Mario Kart race with the campus golf carts!” and while most normal human beings know this is idiotic, we then have Brother Matt. Brother Matt is sitting in the back of the chapter hall, actually contemplating this event and its outcomes. He can even be seen nodding his head up and down, silently mouthing the words, “Game changer,” to himself. I can assure you, it’s not a game changer, Matt. It’s not.

If The Description Of The Event Contains The Words Or Phrases “Remodeling, Redecorating, Demolishing or Renovating,” Stay Away

Unfortunately, the school does not view spray-painting a statue of one of their famous alums so it appears like he is wearing a tank top and Chubbies as a viable fundraising option. They instead have a much harsher word for it: vandalism.

Selling Your Meal Swipes For Cash

Come on, bro. You’re just exchanging your parents’ hard-earned money for cash. That’s not fundraising; that’s scheming. Don’t be a dirtbag.

Pay A Dollar And You Can Hit Me With ________

Generally speaking, having people hit you with objects should not be your fraternity’s main source of philanthropic income. Ideas like this are also likely to cause your risk management chair a great deal of stress.

While there is no formula for the perfect fundraising event, there is a formula to avoiding potentially disastrous ones. Do yourselves, your chapter, your nationals, and your school a favor and pretty much avoid all things mentioned on this list — or anything closely resembling them.

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