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Hitting For The Sorority Cycle

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An Ode To Hitting For The Sorority Cycle

There are certain feats one can accomplish during his fraternity career that don’t require much effort, such as winning an intramural matchup or being part of the worst pledge class ever. However, there is one accomplishment that is, by far, the most difficult of all fraternal accomplishments: hitting for the sorority cycle. Many have tried, and many have failed. For the uninitiated goober, “the sorority cycle” is banging at least one girl from every sorority on campus. Others call it “running the gauntlet,” but the rules are the same. Obviously, this is much harder to accomplish for those at larger schools with more chapters.

You have from the start of the Fall semester until the beginning of the next year’s Fall semester to complete the challenge. There are no prereqs to the girls that you choose to bang, but you run the risk of being nicknamed Captain Ahab should you go in a certain direction. Lastly, only Panhellenic sororities count. Don’t try and bring that service sorority bullshit up in here.

Each sorority can be broken down into four categories: singles, doubles, triples, and home runs. If you go to some small ass school with only four sororities, congrats, you only need one of each. If you go to a real school with more than four sororities, you’ll need to hit multiple of each category.

Singles are the easiest base hit of the cycle. Are you a Mike Trout? If so, I’d save the single for your last at-bats during senior year. No need to waste prime days of your life being a weak contact hitter. If you’re more of an Adam Dunn, then I’d suggest starting here due to your higher propensity to strikeout by swinging for the fences. Give yourself a little momentum going into the year. The girls that constitute the singles are your lower-tier sororities.

Doubles are your lower-middle to middle tier sororities. While a little more difficult to accomplish than a single, it’s not as big of a challenge if you’re a contact hitter a la Craig Biggio. Determining if you want to go into the bag sliding or standing up is the toughest aspect of this double. Standing up would equate to you banging a middle tier girl at the low-middle tier sorority. Sliding, putting in a little extra effort to really help secure that win, and cementing yourself as a solid locker room guy, would constitute you banging the hottest chick at the middle-tier, and getting your brothers some play by her sisters. Team players are first-ballot HOFers.

Triples might be the hardest ones to hit. The girls that constitute a triple are the girls who are way out of your league (generally in the highest tier sororities) and are known to be prude. You really have to hustle to take them to poundtown. When trying to leg one out for a triple, you have to take notion of the group cockblock. How good is her arm? Can she gun you down from right field? It won’t be easy, but the reward tastes oh so sweet. Recommended to knock it out early on in the year, before your reputation starts to precede itself. You can cheat here by hitting up a legacy. It’s all about risk/reward here.

Home runs aren’t necessarily the hardest to hit, but it’s the most meaningful. It’s the dime that you could see yourself actually settling down with, if you weren’t such a degenerate and possible sex-addict. She belongs to a top-tier sorority, and isn’t totally prude. When swinging for the fences, you’re either hitting it out of the park further that Giancarlo Stanton, or you’re going down swinging. Unless you know for sure that you have this one in the bag, it’s better to hit the home run early on in the year. Like the triples, you can cheat by bagging a legacy.

With the rise of apps like Tinder and Hinge, it might be easier for you kids to accomplish this feat these days. Back in my day (2011), we had to do it the ol’ fashion way. Call me a purist, but the guys using these tools are no better than the guys using PEDs in baseball. In fact, using them should make you automatically ineligible for the Frat Hall Of Fame, you fucking cheaters.

One thing that other brothers need to remember is that this is a team effort. If you know that your boy has an opportunity to finish this thing, the worst thing that you can do is cock block him. That’s the equivalent of a foul-tip strikeout. Don’t do that to the man.

The thing you should always remember is that if Bengie Molina can hit for the cycle in baseball, then you, too, can hit for the cycle at your school.

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The Therapist

Not a licensed therapist, but that doesn't stop me anyway.

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