Be thankful you have free access to my brain this holiday season. Gone are the days of your family, friends, and significant others dreading opening your shitty gift and acting like it’s not a shitty gift in front of your face.
Follow the Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide For Cool People Who Like Cool Shit and you’ll be the star of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa or whichever occasion would elicit the purchasing of a gift from you. Below is a gift guide featuring some items we will profit from you purchasing (Man Outfitters), and other items that we may receive a commission (Amazon Affiliate Links) on if you choose to follow my advice.
The most affordable ($19.99) item available from YETI is probably my favorite, too, and might also be the most versatile. Hot and cold. Coffee and whiskey. It’s not hard to figure out. Picture your old man reading the newspaper on the front porch while drinking coffee out of this thing. Dude will never be happier.
I own these. I use them daily. I’m wearing them right now. I did a lot of research before buying them. They’re the best value for headphones I have found on the market. They sound fucking awesome.
These Patagonia pullovers are inexpensive, sharp, and perfect for cool weather. Any guy has to have one similar in his repertoire, so make it this one and help me put my kid through college.
You see a guy carrying this duffle bag through the airport and what do you immediately think of him? Maybe he’s running coke or maybe something like he’s the Indiana Jones version of a businessman. Rugged and professional. Subtle, but bold as hell. Like he could make a camp fire in two minutes flat but also drinks gin martinis and sleeps with only 10s. Power duffle.
Pro tip: Girls like a guy who wears a nice watch. It’s science. Pro tip #2: These digital watch faces you see on every Dick, Joe, and Harry don’t exactly move the needle for the ladies like a classic one does. They’re the calculator watches of the 21st century. Go classic.
I’m determined to promote Mizzen and Main button downs until every asshole in America owns one. I might be their biggest fan, but every guy I convince to purchase one falls immediately in love with them. They look sharp as hell, are the perfect length to be worn untucked, do not fucking wrinkle, are comfortable and stretchy as shit, and fit like they’re tailor-made.
It’s a shotgun tool for serious shotgunners. Figure it out. The style of this one is called “The Raw,” which just sounds kind of bad ass.
Every drinker needs a flask. This is a standard flask. It holds liquor. It’s the right size for concealing. It gets the job done. It’s well-made. It’s a well-made standard flask that fits in shit. What more do you want from me?
Fuck up a dinner party with a goddamn statement bolo tie.
My dick and balls have never felt better in these things. Your dick and balls, or anyone’s dick and balls you purchase these bad boys for, can feel as good as my dick and balls do when I wear these. Testicular support, flexibility, soft — all good stuff for your dick and balls.
Buy this jet ski for a shade under 14k and give that special someone the summer of his or her life.
Whiskey stones. Twenty bucks. Like ice cubes that don’t melt. You freeze them. You put them in your whiskey. It doesn’t water down your whiskey. Not for pussy whiskey drinkers.
My sources are telling me 2017 will be a big year for Henleys. At $39, here is your most wallet-friendly option. Hop on this train or get left behind.
Here’s the absolutely PERFECT pullover for the guy who doesn’t get laid but really wants to get laid and should wear this to marginally increase his chances of getting laid but will in all likelihood continue not getting laid.
This vest fucks.
The perfect pair of gloves for those blistering cold winter days. Or if you want to get away with a gruesome double homicide. Made from real elk, so you know they’re good.
I’m a big Travis Mathew guy. BIG. People know that about me. You need some TM gear and you need some yesterday. Start with these motherfuckers. So damn comfortable and the perfect length for athleisure shorts. You could even get off your lazy ass and work out in them..