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Hot German Scientist Wants To Help You Poop

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Hot German Scientist Wants To Help You Poop

There is a good chance that you are reading this while sitting on the toilet. If this is the case, then stop it. Stop it right now. According to science, you are doing irreparable damage to your asshole.

In a book published by 24-year-old Giulia Enders (the perfect name for this type of research), the German doctoral student drops a heap of poop knowledge sure to send ripples throughout the scientific community.

With powerful imagery, “Darm mit Charme” (which translates to “Charming Bowels”) reveals that we would all benefit from squatting rather than sitting when we relinquish from our bodies a hazardous mix of reheated Chipotle and crisp, refreshing Bud Light (brought to you by TFM).

From The Guardian:

“Enders tells me about various studies that show that we do it more efficiently if we squat. This is because the closure mechanism of the gut is not designed to ‘open the hatch completely’ when we’re sitting down or standing up: it’s like a kinked hose. Squatting is far more natural and puts less pressure on our bottoms. She says: ‘1.2 billion people around the world who squat have almost no incidence of diverticulosis and fewer problems with piles. We in the west, on the other hand, squeeze our gut tissue until it comes out of our bottoms.’”

The solution would require a complete redesign of the typical household john (here’s your ticket to the top, civil engineering majors), but in the meantime, Enders recommends propping your feet up on a stool and leaning forward to reduce congestion along your poop highway.

From a second article by The Guardian on the same subject (those Brits are more sick than I am):

“Placing a little stool in front of the toilet could help us all pass our stool, says Enders…”

A click on that link above will show you that Enders is actually kind of a babe, and her mastery of the art of shitty puns turns me on in an extremely strange way.

Her book also contains chunks of information on other gross bodily fluids. Did you know that saliva contains a painkiller more powerful than morphine and that the release of it may explain comfort eating? Or that you have an inner-sphincter that subconsciously tells your brain to hold on to your poo if you find yourself in an uncomfortable location?

Be sure to learn German and pick up a copy of “Charming Bowels” today — just make sure you hover over the toilet in a squatting position when you read it.

[via The Guardian]

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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