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I Studied Abroad Once And Now I Know Everything About Everything

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Even though I walked jumped around at Wisconsin’s May commencement ceremony last year after completing my journalism degree requirements, I had six Spanish credits remaining until I earned my Spanish degree (that’s right, your boy lives that dub major life). As I was already primed to begin working here at TFM that August, just three months later, I decided that instead of returning to Madison for a six credit super senior semester, thus forgoing gainful employment and, most likely, the moratorium on jumping into any more trash cans that I’d self-imposed, I would finish out my college career by studying abroad in San Jose, Costa Rica.

“But Josh,” you might say, understandably getting my unimportant name incorrect. “Why would you rather go to Central America than spend another semester with your fraternity brothers?”

Sure, another semester of college would have been amazing. I would’ve been right in the thick of it, hitting the bars, doing stupid shit with other checked-out super seniors, and experiencing completely absurd college stories firsthand, like how one of my fraternity brothers got his dick sucked by a girl named Kirby who, apparently possessing the same supernatural powers as the video game character of the same name, proceeded to take on both the shape and abilities of a human penis. True story, so I’m told.

Why did I decide to study abroad? Because I wanted to get cultured. And boy, did I!

Studying abroad gave me a broader world view and made me a much more open-minded and compassionate person. That newfound tolerance is why it pains me to say that people like me, who studied abroad, are better, more well-rounded people than people like you, who didn’t. Lo siento, but that’s just how it is. Do you honestly think you are a more zen, more based individual than me, somebody who packed all the luxuries of life in the United States up into a bag, got onto a plane, and then unpacked them in Costa Rica, essentially living the same life that I lived here but in a different country? Bitch, por favor!

When I tell people that I studied abroad, their eyes light right up, and I can just tell that they can’t wait for me to regale them with all the stories I have from “the Switzerland of Latin America.” That’s what I assume they want me to do, at least — I usually just keep going on and on about it, not letting them get a word in edgewise lest I accidentally omit even the smallest iota of detail from the story of my adventures.

I mean, look at all the cultural experiences I experienced (culturally) when I was down there!

Truly eye-opening stuff. That’s only a smidgen of the vast wealth of knowledge I gained from my time in San Jose, too. Did you guys know that in Costa Rica, they call soccer “fútbol?” Nuts!

Studying abroad was the best decision I ever made. I went down to Costa Rica expecting to find out about the country, its people, and its culture, but it turns out the thing I found out the most about? Mí mismo (that means “myself,” you rubes).

With all that being said, I’ll leave you with the words of my people, Los Ticos:

Pura vida!

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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