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Ideal Songs For Porch Drinking: Less Life

porch drinking

It’s been a dark few weeks. Though you have reveled on your porch, deck, or stoop of choice, things just haven’t felt the same. The beer hasn’t tasted as good, the girls haven’t been as dressed down, and your buddy’s story about that time he took a dump on the tee box of 17 just didn’t get the same laugh. Your life has lacked variety, but that’s about to change. Coming to you this week are 15 songs that will take your outdoor drinking experience to the next level. The perfect blend of chill and aggressive to get you through the weekend and on to a productive week. As piano-sage Mungo Jerry said, “When the weather is fine, you got (porch drinking playlists) on your mind.” So, come along with us on a journey to a porch paradise.

You know the deal. The top comment from the previous edition is dubbed a fan favorite. Whatever track I dig the most gets an honorable mention.

Let’s crank some damn tunes.

Fan Favorite: A Country Boy Can Survive, Hank Williams Jr.

Suggested by Will848484. Kid’s a 49ers fan or something. This song probably should have been on the list a while ago, but I wanted to give it the dignity of a fan vote. Good job commenters, you know the classics.

Honorable Mention: Setting Forth, Eddie Vedder

Posited by CanadianB4C0n. Of course the dude from Canada would suggest a song from ‘Into the Wild’. Northerners, am I right? Eddie brings more heat than Aroldis Chapman in a strip club champagne room on this track.

1. Rosalita, Bruce Springsteen

Spicy and sultry, courtesy of the boss. Polka lowkey goes.

2. Sit Down, James

Heard this on the new Game of Thrones teaser and I think it bangs by association. It was also apparently a big disco hit in 1991, the same year the USSR collapsed so that’s pretty tight.

3. Texas, FOE G4NG

These dudes are widely recognized at UTA.

4. I’m A Ramblin’ Man, Waylon Jennings

Songs about rambling men and bad hearted women are a staple of any porch session. It’s romantic or something.

5. Cayman Review, Trey Anatasio

Funk alert. You guys ever been to the Caymans? I haven’t, but I have a playlist on Spotify so I’m pretty cultured.

6. Hot Legs, Rod Stewart

This track goes all the way up.

7. Marvin, Raekwon ft. CeeLo Green

If you haven’t checked out Raekwon the Chef’s new album ‘The Wild’ you’re not living right. It has features from the likes of Tunechi and Andra Day but, against all hip hop logic, it’s the tune with CeeLo “Fuck You” Green that manages to have the best vibes. The album’s on Spotify so give it a listen.

8. Polk Salad Annie, Tony Joe White

It’s a bluegrass classic, originally titled “Poke Sallet Annie”. Did you know you can eat pokeweed? Not raw cause it’ll kill you but if you parboil it right the stuff is seriously great for you.

9. Feelin’ Stronger Every Day, Chicago

Earlier this year I hit a huge prop bet on the Superbowl and drunkenly bought a Chicago belt buckle. It was tight. So is this song.

10. Mojo Boogie, Johnny Winter

If Johnny goddamn Winter comes on and your first reaction isn’t to stomp your foot and yell “Johnny goddamn Winter!” then you probably have more friends than me.

11. Passionfruit, Drake

(Video Not Found Because Drake Is A Rich Schmuck)

Let’s get this out of the way – ‘More Life’ was not a great album. I’ve listened to it three times or so now, but I still don’t feel it. Kanye’s track was just depressing, there was no real sequencing, and the British guy on the track with the British guy was not, in fact, Billy Idol. Luckily, as with all Drake albums, it had a redeeming track that’s going to be widely popular as everyone tries to forget the dumpster fire that was ‘Views’.

12. We’re An American Band, Grand Funk Railroad

I got a little wordy on that last one, sorry. Did you know that Drake is Canadian? And his name is Aubrey? Fucking Aubrey you guys. How is he so popular?

13. Good Mind to Quit You, Chuck Hall Band

I get that it’s 2017 and it’s cool to be a pussy, but at some point the guy who banged Rhianna and J Lo in the same year has to either stop moping or quit rapping about catching bodies.

14. Living After Midnight, Judas Priest

Make up your damn mind, Aubrey. Either you’re a boss or a bitch and only one of those things accounts for your fame. Also your beard is awful and you look like an idiot on your new album cover.

15. My Wife Thinks You’re Dead, Junior Brown

Big Junior Brown guy. Also ‘My Wife Thinks You’re Dead’ is possibly the funniest song title ever.

Again, be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s edition. As always, don’t drink and drive.

Check out the rest on Spotify.

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Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM’s self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn’t above a nice stout on the porch.

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