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If You Don’t Take These NFL Picks You’re A Moron

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What’s good, Mooks? It’s safe to say I’m on a decent run over the past 5 weeks going 21-5-1. If you rode me like a delusional dad putting all his self-worth into his son’s little league career, you would have enough money for a nuclear fallout shelter by now — which could definitely come in handy soon with Un’s recent shenanigans. Fucking Rocket Man. Anyway, here are some of my loyal Mooks who have profited from my genius-ness.

Please send those bottles.

I’m glad too, mate.

Anyway, I’m on an all-time heater. The loyal Mooks are profiting off my picks and cashing the fook out like BitCoin owners. So, here are this week’s picks. If you don’t take them you’re just throwing away free money. Let’s hit it.

All lines via MyBookie.ag. Hit them up for all your gambling needs.

Steelers Vs. Bengals – Bengals +5

MY boy said it best.

I’m banking on Big Ben to NOT make it out of the driveway, and for the Red Rocket to light it up at home. This game will be a classic AFC North slugfest, and I think Big Ben crashes and burns in Cincinnati.

Panthers Vs. Saints – Saints -4

The Panthers are on a 4 game win streak, but this week they have to visit the Saints in New Orleans whose 8 game win streak was just snapped with the division on the line. I’ll ride Sean Payton and Drew Brees at home when it matters. Lock in the Saints.

49ers Vs. Bears – 49ers +3

Two words. Jimmy Garoppolo. Now that Jimmy G is under center, I feel slightly more comfortable betting on the 49ers. I’ve been reluctant to ride them all year, but with Tom Brady’s successor under center, I’m all over them. The 49ers stock is soaring like crypto, and I’m investing.

Patriots Vs. Bills – Patriots -9

I’m sure most of you are familiar with how fucking good the Patriots are, but let’s take a look at the mastermind behind it all while his team is scoring touchdowns.

Yeah, the dudes a literal football-cyborg-demigod who does nothing but win football games. Belichick expects his team to win, and I expect his team to cover the spread. We seem to be on the same page, so lock in the Patriots -9.

Browns Vs. Chargers – Under 44

Although the Browns do get Josh Gordon back this week which may spark a blunt — I mean a light — in their offense, it’s not enough to go over on the points. The Chargers have a solid defense and a mediocre offense which means the under in the game is lock city and you’re just living in it.

Image via Youtube

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Mookie Bets

Mush bettor, juul addict, and a millennial to blame.

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