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Imposter Strolls Through Downtown South Carolina Telling Everyone He’s Starting QB Connor Mitch

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Pictured above: the real Connor Mitch

When you’re the starting quarterback at a big-time football school, you’re going to be up to your facemask in poonanny. Something about having the entire school’s morale in the palm of your hand makes a pair of panties wetter than an o-lineman’s jockstrap in the fourth quarter.

Hoping to capitalize on the notoriety, South Carolina’s new QB, Connor Mitch, showed up to a college watering hole to tell everyone who he was. Problem is, Mitch wasn’t at the bar that night. In fact, he hasn’t dived into the sea of debauchery that is Five Points, USC’s college bar scene, since he turned 21.

Mitch discovered he had an impersonator after Alex Waelde, the marketing director of The Horseshoe Bar, sent him a direct message on Twitter apologizing for the long wait-time for drinks. Mitch then called out the poser.

Mitch says this wasn’t the first time something like this happened, and former Gamecock quarterback Stephen Garcia told him to get used to it.

Kind of a brilliant move on the part of the imposter. Dickish, but brilliant. A bunch of drunken college kids will be none the wiser. Mitch has yet to take the field for a regular season game and half of the school probably doesn’t even know what he looks like.

It is a shame that the fake Connor Mitch seemed to be doing wrong by the real Conner Mitch’s namesake, though. The marketing director slid into his DMs the next day to apologize for the wait time on the drinks, which means faux Mitch was probably acting like an asshole, demanding he be served before his subordinates while asking “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, BRO?”

The Horseshoe Bar needs to go through their security footage, find the imposter, enhance the image, then plaster his smug fucking face next to the real Connor Mitch on every bar in town. When you find him, force him to suit up, snap him the ball, and have the lineman let him get blindsided by a d-tackle ten times in a row. That would be justice.


Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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