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Intern On The Hill Gets Drunk, Loses Shoe, Stalks Paul Ryan

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It was a magical morning on the Hill, a morning filled with political reports, poll data and the smell of success. That smell, of course, being booze, poor decisions and cologne. The following tale is truly a Cinderella story: boy meets political candidate, boy follows candidate to planned appearance, still drunk the next morning at work, and bursts into his office to profess his love for his politics while leaving a single shoe behind. I guess that makes Mitt Romney’s campaign the weird fairy godmother in this story. He certainly has the money to turn pumpkins into a carriage, damn the impracticality.

This morning one of my interns (who is under 21) came in about 2 hours late, absolutely hammered, reeking of booze, wearing the same clothes that he had on yesterday. He wandered the legislative area, slurring about how he was in love with [redacted: Paul Ryan] and can’t wait to see *him* at a hearing later today. Further crude conversation ensued that ended only when he abruptly ran out of our office to get in line for the aforementioned hearing (which was in about 3 hours). Allegedly, his plan was to find a “smokeshow” (in the spirit of list-lingo, wasn’t the word he actually used) at the front of the line to flirt with in order to cut and get in.

Magical. You can almost see the beauty of the exchange unfold. The intern went to get in line for said Paul Ryan appearance, a line which didn’t exist, then proceeded to leave his shoe while going for a breakfast burrito. Presumably the smokeshow he wanted to cut in front of was not there to hold his spot in line. That theoretical bitch. Breakfast is key when you’re trying to have the energy to meet your heroes, especially when you’re so drunk that, upon finding your shoe is missing, you go argue with the janitor for stealing it.
He was, of course, fired after. He’s a summer intern. They’re not even worth their weight in superpac contributions. Somewhere, the drunk, now former, intern is wandering the streets of DC. While he is reunited with the shoe, he will not live happily ever after.

[via Gawker]

Image via AP


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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