Iran Blows Up A Fake U.S. Aircraft Carrier, Nobody’s Really Worried

Iran Blows Up A Fake U.S. Aircraft Carrier, Nobody's Really Worried

It’s no secret that a lot of countries out there straight up don’t like us. People always get jealous when they can’t be the best, right? Well, as I’m sure you all know, Iran has never been our biggest fan. Aside from the country’s fiery rhetoric in regards to our lovely nation, every so often, it stages some exercises aimed at showing us that it’s a legitimate adversary.

Recently, Iran constructed a mock-up version of a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier — allegedly modeled after the USS Nimitz — and in its latest exercise, blew it up. If that were the whole story, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Of course, it doesn’t end there.

From CNN:

“Iranian naval forces displayed their skills in targeting enemy vessels and destroyed a mock U.S. aircraft carrier during the Islamic Revolution Guards Corps Navy’s massive Payambar-e Azam 9 (The Great Prophet 9) wargames in the Persian Gulf and the Strait of Hormuz,” read a video caption on Fars’ website.

Now that Iran has blown up this fake ship — which American officials have described as being more of a movie set than a real naval vessel — the Iranians think they’re hot shit. I’ve got news for them.

Nobody cares.

It’s not even a real ship. Who knows what it’s made of? Hell, it could be plywood, old cardboard, and duct tape for all we know. Aside from the ship’s construction — which, in my very limited knowledge of naval engineering, is shitty at best — there is one key detail the Iranians couldn’t include in their demonstration that makes the whole thing a little less than accurate, by which I mean absolutely full of horseshit.

See, even if that were a real aircraft carrier, there was nobody on it. There were no defenses. No aircraft, no anti-missile defense systems, no anti-ship protection measures. Nothing. It was just a floating hunk of garbage. I bet I could sink that thing, and I’m not even a strong swimmer.

In addition to the defense measures in place on aircraft carriers, they also have a group of other ships that travel with them in order to provide protection. So, in real life, I just don’t know how much damage a bunch of dudes in little boats with rockets could do to the armed might of the most powerful navy in the world. Seriously, though. Those carrier groups have destroyers, cruisers, and fucking submarines. Plus, being the global super-fucking-power that we are, we can have help on call from other ships and land-based aircraft at a moment’s notice. So, yeah. Nice try, Iran.

Sure, Iran is trying to show that it’s ready to fuck with us on the high seas, but personally, I don’t think anyone is too worried. One Navy spokesman told the Associated Press that America “was not concerned about this exercise.” That’s one hell of an understatement. He continued to say, “we’re quite confident of our naval forces’ ability to defend themselves.” You’re damn right they are.

[via CNN]

Image via Shutterstock

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BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school back in the day. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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