I’m going to warn you now, the below Tinder conversation will send shivers down your spine and make your hair stand on end. I’ve been clenching my kegel muscle here in my cubicle for the last 30 minutes straight because it’s the only coping mechanism my body has in response to such anti-penis propaganda (you’ll see what I mean soon enough). My body is currently stuck in one long cringe that I’m afraid I’ll never escape from. So, instead of trying to bring myself up out of it, I’ve decided to just bring you guys down to my level.
Well, here we go. So a guy, who has asked that I censor his name, matched with this girl.
You’ve got to expect some crazy shit if you right swipe a girl with that kinda bio, right? I mean, how can you not?
Oh. Guess that’s how.
Welp, time to go throw all the string cheese out of the fridge in the office break room.
What kind of sick, twisted person thinks of all that? The descriptions she gives of her planned-out atrocities forces your subconscious to imagine those things being done to you, which has landed me in my current uneasy, anxious, and cross-legged state. I think I’m gonna vomit.
What’s wrong with a normal dick, with the skin on and everything? I mean, sure, if she wants to cut off his foreskin that’s fine, since dudes these days shouldn’t have that whole mess going on down there, but his regular dick skin? That’s just cruel and unusual. Dude needs that shit.
I pray for humanity. If you want to see more bizarre Tinder conversations, check out this week’s edition of Ridiculous Tinder Pickup Lines..
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