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I’ve Never Been As Sold On Hugh Freeze As I am Today

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I’ve never been higher on Ole Miss head coach Hugh Freeze than I am right now. Big time college football is the dirtiest business in all of sports, and Hugh Freeze is exactly the type of leader I want running my program. You don’t go from dwelling in mediocrity to competing for SEC West titles by playing by the rules. You need a head coach that isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. You need a guy who pitches recruits’ mothers on his devotion to Jesus and then heads back to his hotel to blast 22-year-old escorts. That’s the exact mentality I want in a head coach. A true man’s man. A true leader. A red blooded, escort banging son of a bitch who puts it all on the line in every facet of his life, who risks everything to get his nut.

You want to be 2-10 (0-8 in the SEC) with some prude Boy Scout running the ship, or would you rather beat Bama twice in a row and have the entire country watch as your squad silences 100,000 Tide fans at their own stadium? I’d rather beat Bama. I’d rather be relevant. I’d rather have a coach who serial fucks strippers and makes it to New Year’s Day bowl games.

It’s either that or you revert back to pre-Hugh Freeze, 2011 Ole Miss, and you don’t win a single conference game. If I’m the AD at Ole Miss, I’m faxing Hugh Freeze an extension right now. I’m apologizing for my mistake in forcing him to resign and I’m begging him to come back. I’m offering to buy him a burner phone, and I’m preprogramming escorts’ numbers in it so he doesn’t even have to look them up.

All the talking heads are saying that he had to be fired because this story would’ve killed Freeze’s ability to recruit. What a load of bullshit. If I’m an 18-year-old baller, who am I going to want to follow into battle, some nerd with his top button buttoned and a celibacy bracelet on in his wrist, or a dick slinging, Mississippi native with some “this guy fucks” swag? Plus he could’ve played the whole “I’ve made mistakes, but I’m a better man for it” card. It’s a killer recruiting card to play. If anything, this only would have helped with recruiting.

Did we learn nothing from Bobby Petrino and Louisville? Petrino gets fired for having an affair, gets utterly humiliated in the iconic red-faced-neck-brace picture (which still makes me lol), then comes back to Louisville, recruits Lamar Jackson who wins the Heisman, scores 2,000 points per game, and nobody gives a shit about his past infidelities. Someone needs to send this case study to the Ole Miss AD.

People might point to the fact that Freeze is married with children, and to that I’d say yes, it’s sad, but it’s even better for recruiting. Freeze and his family are from Mississippi. I don’t think divorce is legal down there, so it plays out like this: His wife stays with him, she wife acknowledges he isn’t a perfect man, she supports him, and they work through the issues. There’s another recruiting pitch: “At Ole Miss we overcome adversity, we do it as a family, and we support and stand by the people we love, no matter how dark the days.” Boom. Where do I sign my letter of intent?

The real issue I see in this story is former Ole Miss head coach Houston Nutt violating man-code and tattling on Hugh Freeze.

Houston Nutt, the cuck. What a squid. Ole Miss probably thought they had rid themselves of Nutt when they fired him after a two-win season. Nope. The guy comes back like a vicious case of herpes and inflames the entire program.

Maybe if Houston Nutt were willing to play dirty like this during his tenure he would still be the coach at Ole Miss. Instead the program is in shambles, Nutt isn’t coaching anywhere, and Hugh Freeze was forced to resign. Hoddy Toddy.

Image via Twitter/ @CoachHughFreeze

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Ryco is a middling writer and a wildly mediocre stand-up comedian. He runs the unsuccessful Dead Jesters Sketch Comedy Podcast on iTunes.

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