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Your spring break plans are garbage. You’ll probably get arrested for public intoxication if you trip anywhere along the coast, and if you go to Mexico, there’s at least a 25 percent chance your head will be severed from your body, stuffed with dynamite, and catapulted at the wall. Happens all the time.
So where is a butt-chugging, throat-fucking animal like yourself supposed to find a female belly button to drink out of this spring break? Wonder no more. The TFM/TSM Inception At Sea Cruise is docking in America. And call me motherfucking Christopher Columbus, ’cause we’re taking you savages with us.
Shit’s gonna to be so fucking lit. Just watch this (and make sure you’ve got a clean change of undies nearby).
Holy living fuck. I can’t wait. Oh, you haven’t heard? I’m going, too. Same with all the other sorry bastards on the TFM/TSM writing staff. Don’t worry, to make up for it, we’re also bringing Tyga, Lil Dicky, The Chainsmokers, 27 other artists, and 2,400 college students on the ALL-INCLUSIVE, motherfucking rage voyage to the Bahamas. It’s basically a music festival, except you’re on a giant ass boat, you can take a shower, and there’s a swimming pool instead of a mud pit. They’ve even got casinos on that bitch. We set sail on March 11, land in the Bahamas for a few beachside concerts, and get back to the States on March 14.
You: “Gee-wiz, Intern. That sure looks like a swell time. But I’m out of cash, I’ve already donated all my blood plasma, and I can’t hit up the sperm bank because my impotent semen is worthless. How am I going to afford it?”
Well hold on to your failed incubator of a scrote because boy howdy do I have a deal for you. If you order tickets through TFM/TSM by 11:59 p.m. EST on Friday, you get everything — unlimited food and alcohol, all the concerts, all the dance floor tug jobs — for just $599. That’s $280 down from an already low, low price. Here are the ticket rates:
Triple: $399 +$200 taxes = $599 total per person
Double: $449 + $200 taxes = $649 total per person
Single: $939 + $200 taxes = $1139 total person
If you order through us, you’ll also get exclusive access to a TFM/TSM themed mixer with all the site’s personalities.
Just make sure you’re 21 by the time we board the ship. Check out all the deets at tfmspringbreak.com and sign up with the form below.
See you sumbitches topside..