— Jennifer Palumbo (@JenNimePalumbo) November 28, 2015
Though the reason for the assault is not yet known, this is the Internet, so let’s immediately start speculating why this happened.
– An inadvisable amount of cheap bourbon was consumed. (This seems obvious, regardless of whatever else happened.)
– “Hey do you want to see my new gun?”
“That gun is stupid.”
“YOUR FACE IS STUPID!”
*pistol whips friend, chugs cheap bourbon.*
– Someone said John Calipari wasn’t “Jesus Christ reborn” and the proud Kentuckian would not stand for that sort of disrespect against Coach Cal.
– Someone said John Calipari was “Jesus Christ reborn” and the proud Kentuckian would not stand for that sort of disrespect against Jesus.
– It was a part of an old Kentucky drinking game we’ve never heard of.
– One man realized at the last minute that his friend had bought him Kentucky football tickets, not Kentucky basketball tickets.
– Some guy’s friend had some BBQ sauce on his face and the guy forgot he was holding his gun when he went to wipe it off, and was also shit housed on cheap bourbon so the wipe attempt was more of a clumsy swipe at the friend’s face.
– Who cares how or why it happened because, more importantly, this is just proof that white people are violent too so now let me explain via social media how this incident totally justifies every single one of my political beliefs.
It was over a dice game.
— Vincent (@vlove87) November 28, 2015
What a fanbase.