It’s time we, as men, all start appreciating Leonardo DiCaprio more. Not as an actor — the guy is already considered an all-time great, even without having won an Oscar (yet). Rather, we need to appreciate Leo for the ridiculously awesome man that he is, and has been for decades. To say that Leonardo DiCaprio has slept with more super models than you or I have slept with any women would be an insulting understatement to his accomplishments. The only thing I do at the end of the night with as much ease as Leonardo DiCaprio when he closes on impossibly flawless women is eat Whataburger alone.
Despite Leo treating model runways as his own personal sexual buffet, and the fact that Leo lives a lifestyle of absurd, nearly incomprehensible extravagance, it seems like he still suffers from 90s Tiger Beat cover boy blowback. Guys did not like Leonardo DiCaprio in the 90s, mostly because “‘Titanic’? Huh, gayyyyy.” Even after “The Departed” and “The Wolf of Wall Street” it still seems like his reputation with men suffers from his teen dream days. Certainly, the actor keeping his life as private as possible plays a role in this as well, but even if he is respected, Leo still isn’t getting the recognition he truly deserves. Simply put, Leonardo DiCaprio is our generation’s Jack Nicholson. Try to name any other actor who even comes close to that comparison. An actor who is both considered one of the top five or six guys in the business, is unmarried, and throws real life ragers that make your wettest of dreams look like a Mormon Thanksgiving. For fuck’s sake he once had a fling with Blake Lively, as in they banged for a little while but he got tired of it and moved on. WHO GETS TIRED OF HAVING SEX WITH BLAKE LIVELY!?! That’s like getting tired of having the ability to fly.
No one fits the modern day Jack Nicholson profile better than Leonardo DiCaprio, and his latest exploits in Brazil only further reinforces that.
The Hollywood playboy, partied with 50 women in Buzios.
Thirty were flown in specially, put up in a swanky hotel and fed and watered all at his expense – how very generous. The other 20 live in the wealthy tourist resort which is 100 miles east of capital Rio.
The single actor, 39 – who has been dating lingerie model Toni Garrn for a year – hired out Pacha nightclub for his lady-filled bash after checking out Brazil’s opening match against Croatia.
Of course, Leo still needs his space. Fifty goddess-like smokeshows can get clingy, which can be annoying…I guess. So, while Leo put most of the ladies up in world class accommodations on land, he decided to make sure he had some healthy separation between himself and his mail order orgy.
“At 4am he took some pals back to his borrowed £400million superyacht which was anchored nearby.”
Leo’s luxury liner has eight floors, three pools and two helipads – just the two. Among guests were former Brazilian Big Brother star Marien Carretero and Playboy model Mari Silvestre. Leo has also been hanging out with Fugees rapper Pras Michel.
This entire story is my penis’s equivalent of a sad orphan looking through a happy family’s window while they’re eating Christmas dinner and he’s freezing to death outside.
Well done, Leo, you magnificent bastard.