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We make fun of liberals all the time — it’s pretty damn easy. But now I’m pleased to announce that we have some concrete evidence to back up why they’re such despicable people.
According to a recent survey from dating website OkCupid, liberals enjoy crying, yoga, asexuality, feminism and telling people that they’re vegans. In other words, water, I’m afraid, is still wet.
The survey separated words that appeared most often for users who identified as liberal and those who identified as conservatives. I say “who identified as” because most liberals identified as a 62-year-old Chinese woman one day and a 6’7” NBA player the next. It’s tough to get accurate results from people like that, but OkCupid did a good job.
Here are the breakdowns of just a few:
Like the outdoors or going to the shooting range? So do a majority of conservatives interested in love. Liberals looking for love prefer museums, yoga and crying.
Steak or avocados? For right-wingers, steak and grilling indicate an interest in sex, while Dr. Pepper points to love. On the left, avocados and vegetarian correlate to love, while booze suggests sex.”
“If they mention a weapon Conservatives interested in love use the word guns, however conservatives interested in sex use the word firearms.
Yep, not much to see here. Really your prototypical stereotypes — liberals would rather eat plants while conservatives are busy killing bears with their bare hands and then eating the bears’ hearts out.
Interestingly, though, the survey did give some good Hulu suggestions for the next time a ‘you up?’ text works out for ya.
Are orgasms the most important part of sex? Those mentioning Clint Eastwood think that orgasms are the most important part of sex, while John Wayne and Broad City mentioners aren’t necessarily concerned with climaxing.
Are you open to receiving anal sex? Those who mention the cowboys are most likely not open to receiving anal sex, while those mentioning Broad City are open to it.
There you go, fellas. Looks like you need to find a gal who enjoys Broad City and disappointment. Those Broad City viewers are butt stuff lovin’ freaks.
Aaaaaaaand now the image is burned into my head forever. Sorry, guys..