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Like many of you, watching the Disney Channel was a childhood staple for me. I progressively moved through the classics, starting with “Boy Meets World” and working my way through “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”. One of my favorites as a kid was “Even Stevens”. Remember the prepubescent Shia LaBeouf as Louis, his older bitchy sister Ren, his best friend Twitty, and his hot artsy friend Tawny? It was an awesome variety of characters held together with their unifying hatred of the Stevens’ annoying little neighbor, Beans.
For the few of you who don’t remember Beans, here is a video of some of his greatest moments on the show (excluding, of course, anything from the terrible Disney Channel film.)
Beans, played by actor Steven Anthony Lawrence, was an essential character for “Even Stevens”, but as time progressed and the show became an artifact in the Disney vault, Lawrence fell out of the spotlight.
As a fan of Lawrence’s work in both “Even Stevens” and “Cheaper By The Dozen”, I added the actor on Facebook so I could keep tabs on what projects he was working on, and, you know, see how his life’s going. The answer to the latter can be put as simply as this: not well.
As you can see, the 23-year-old Lawrence now looks like a young George Costanza. I am not sure what is going on this photo, but it is one of his profile pictures. At least he looks happy.
We always knew Beans had game, and that hasn’t changed even in his days of premature balding. This is the kind of picture that you would have expected from a 23-year-old Beans.
This status went up yesterday, and I am not quite sure what to make of it. Apparently, Lawrence is now a father and is not very happy with his baby mama. But a few things don’t add up here. First, the math must be off somewhere in this status, unless he fathered the baby when he was four. Secondly, who had sex with Beans?
His statuses have never been disappointing. This one comes from December 2013, but his Facebook outbursts aren’t limited to just these. Just go through his profile and you’ll see he’s always bitching about something.
From “Fuckin hackers can eat my hairy white ass” to Facebook cries against his make-believe daughter, it seems like Lawrence is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix and acting the part of Beans in real life. It’s a tough test for an actor who lived in the hearts of all children from 1999-2003, but, sadly, no one is watching anymore.