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My record for cans of energy drink consumed in a day is 4. The situation involved 4 Red Bulls paired with 12 shots of Jäger, all consumed without ever leaving my dorm room in the process of enjoying my very stereotypically freshman 19th birthday celebration. Rumor has it my boy Bootystank Joe drank somewhere in the realm of 47 shots of Jäger that night, presumably accompanied by 15 or so cans of Red Bull using the 3-shots-per-can method. He claims this all went down after I passed out at 10 p.m. — very convenient — but I can’t prove him wrong, so the jury’s still out. If it is true, it would explain why my entire room ended up sticky with Jäger spills, absolutely trashed, and smelling of Bootystank’s licorice-y urine.
The Jäger is what put me to bed so early, but after that wore off, the Red Bull viciously asserted itself and never let off the gas. I woke up around 3 a.m. more awake than I’ve ever been and never was able to fall back asleep until the next night, as evidenced by this Facebook status I inexplicably decided to post.
I guess slightly drunk/extremely caffeinated Jared is a big fan of Pat Benatar.
If I am still that wired hours after drinking 4 Red Bulls, I honestly can’t even imagine how LSU Football head coach Ed Orgeron is still alive considering he claims to drink 8-10 cans of Monster a day when he goes on his infamous energy drink binges.
You’ve gotta imagine Coach O gets Spidey Senses after Monster #10; he’s just moving so fast that the world actually slows down around him in what could easily be a plot line you’d see in Interstellar 2: Three Straight Hours Of McConaughey Crying.
For those of you wondering, 10 cans of Monster is 1,600 mg of caffeine, and the daily recommended dose is 400 mg. A caffeine intervention is in order, or at the very least someone should get in Coach O’s ear and have him switch to a safer drug like heroin or crystal meth. For his sake..
[via Yahoo! Dr. Saturday]
Image via YouTube