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Mailbag: My Ex Had Buttsex With Her New Guy And Now I Want To Ruin Him

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Mailbag by visiting the archive.

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I hate this emailer. Hate him. I hope I never know anyone like him and I feel sorry for the people in his life. His approach to this whole situation is that of a total brat who expects life’s gifts to be presented to him. Dude hasn’t earned shit in his life. Spoiled little bastard. Just a total twat (side note: let’s bring “twat” back) in every sense of the word. When he emailed me, I told him I’d Mailbag his stupid fucking email but he wouldn’t like my response. And he won’t. He didn’t respond to that email, by the way, because twats don’t respond to emails like that.

Aforementioned stupid ass email below.

What’s up you fucking bag of cocksicles. Okay now that we’ve got that out of the way, I need your advice. My ex recently did #buttstuff2k16 (yes, those were her exact words) with some new fuckstick. I need ideas of how to fuck with him. Homeboy can’t afford a car, so we can’t do anything to this 99 percenter’s car. I’m open to all ideas. Looking for subtle to extreme.

Ps don’t use my name if posted. Thanks fuckhole.

So some guy very fairly and squarely had some kinky backdoor sex with your very willing EX-girlfriend and your immediate reaction is to mess his life up? And you’re mad why? Because she wouldn’t let you do it? Because he won and you lost? Tell me you see what’s wrong with this situation, you twat.

All this means to me is you didn’t do enough to move her needle in the bedroom. She was willing to have buttsex, just not with you. Again, she was willing to have buttsex, just not with you. NOT with you. With her new guy, but not you. He got the butt. You didn’t. He did. You got vagina. He got butt (and vagina). Dude doesn’t even have a car. Ouch, man.

I speak for everyone reading this, and most likely for everyone who has had the misfortune of knowing you, when I say that I hope this new guy with your girlfriend’s stank on his hangdown whips your ass. I envision you walking up on him to talk things out and he just turns you inside out. You have no chance. He’s the kind of guy who has buttsex with guy’s ex-girlfriends. The kind of guy who turns a vagina-only coed into a buttsex haver. The kind of guy who doesn’t need a car to pull off the aforementioned. And the kind of guy who pulverizes little twats like you and celebrates by having buttsex with your ex.

I hate you, your ex hates you, your parents hate you, buttsex guy hates you, and you’re a twat.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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