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Man Arrested For Jerking Off While Maintaining Eye Contact Outside UW Sorority

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Some hopelessly romantic guys enjoy the chase. They’ll write love letters, blow girls kisses in the middle of class, text cute things. “No, you hang up first.” They’re the kind of guys that would sit outside a sorority girl’s window, playing love songs about all the feelings that girl they love makes them feel.

Others take a different approach: jerking off just outside a sorority girl’s window while maintaining eye contact the whole time. I’m not one to say which one is more effective, but I can tell you a 40-year-old man was arrested on Tuesday for allegedly doing just that at the University of Washington.

From Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Seattle police arrested a 40-year-old man Tuesday night after a University of Washington student claimed he was masturbating at the window of her sorority house.

The woman was studying in the formal room of Alpha Phi in the 4700 block of 19th Avenue Northeast about 9:43 p.m. when she spotted a man standing outside the window, staring at her and “making sexual motions with his tongue,” according to the police report.

The man then pulled down his pants and masturbated while staring at her, she claimed. The woman screamed and reported him to her housemates. The incident was reported to 911.

Now, ignoring the obvious emotional scarring that takes place and years of therapy needed from looking at your physics book one second and a 40-year-old dude’s dong another, this is pretty damn funny. Not in a “ha ha ha” kind of way. More in like a “ha ha awwwww 🙁 …. ha” kind of way. The kind of way that makes you realize this dude just risked it all (and lost) just to tug off in public, as if this was some strange sexual fantasy of his that just had to be crossed off his bucket list one day.

Some aspire to travel the world, parachute from airplanes, climb mountains, etc. Nope. This dude allegedly had jerking off in a sorority’s front yard on his to-do list.

Thankfully, the cops caught this dude riding away on a bike “in an evasive manner.” Not only is he an alleged outdoor jerker, but he’s a bike-riding douche, too. That alone should be enough evidence for life imprisonment. Time to punish this man to the fullest extent of the law.

[via Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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