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Man Stopped by TSA Addresses the TFM Nation

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To the members of the TFM Nation:

I am getting quite emotional about this, and am struggling to hold back tears, so I’m just going to respond by going overboard with jokes to hide the fact that I’m upset, because that’s what people like me do.

See, on July 9, I, Jonah Falcon, was stopped by the lovely folks at the San Francisco International Airport, where I was taken aside and frisked. The cause for concern, apparently, was because I had a something strapped down the side of my left leg that looked like I was smuggling in a captured hippopotamus.

You can only imagine my embarrassment when the young lady straddling my appendage slowly realized that what she was patting down was not drugs or WMD. And as the Size Queen’s eyes lit up like she was blinded by a solar eclipse, a deep sense of guilt came over me.

The realization that I have once again contributed to this nation’s divorce rate disgusts me.

So thank you, my countrymen, for being so supportive during this time of tremendous turbulence for me. Night after night I find myself restless, unable to sleep, tossing and turning.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.



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