The air is cleaner. The birds are chirpier. The people are friendlier. The yards are kept. The crime is nonexistent. Food tastes better. Hot moms flood the streets with their hot mom friends and curl 3 lb. dumbbells up and down the sidewalks. The street punks roll around on Schwinns and wear collared shirts.
It’s all part of the #BurbLife, a lifestyle I’ve fully adapted to and enjoyed since last summer. I never fully understood what dominating life was all about until I escaped the distractions of the big city and moved out to my golfing community just west of Austin. Now my shit’s on lock. Things at work are really taking off for me, I’m in better shape, my 401 (k) is flush, and my dick is even bigger.
Johnny Manziel gets it. After a brief stint in rehab, Manziel is looking for a fresh start in new surroundings. He recently moved out of his high rise condo in Cleveland’s Metropolitan at The 9 — where he was allegedly involved in an assault — and has settled into a quaint, suburban golf community.
The Browns quarterback has moved out of his downtown Cleveland apartment and into a golf course community in a suburb west of town, according to a source.
Golf has been a constructive outlet for Manziel since his return, the source said.
Hmu for a home-and-home golf series, Johnny. Burb style. We’ll see if you can handle the sharp undulations of the Texas hill country.
Back to football. Look for Johnny to secure the starting QB spot and throw for about a million yards this season. Let’s get this guy measured for a gold jacket already, damn.
Image via Instagram/ @jmanziel2