You want to know something about football players? They’re all looney tunes. Every single one of them is like eight flews over the cuckoo’s nest. You have to be insane to lace ‘em up each week only to be battered and maimed like you spent a few consecutive days in a Nevada dominatrix facility. But when players retire, the insanity tends to stop. What’s a warrior to do? Some open wineries like Drew Bledsoe. Some (maybe most?) live for the thrill of going broke and winding up in jail. And then you’ve got specimens like our boy Marshawn Lynch, who just casually decided to head out to Scotland and start playing chicken with buses while riding a bike.
Most would call this kind of behavior idiotic. Here’s the thing, though — I completely get this. Makes one hundred percent sense to me. You know what Marshawn has done his entire life? Charged relatively straightforward at oncoming immovable objects hell-bent on laying him out. Let me ask you, what do you think Marshawn is more afraid of, that bus or Ray Lewis? Kind of a trick question, because they’re basically the same thing.
Marshawn just out there trying to relive the glory days. We’ve all done it. Who hasn’t gone to the local rec center and started jacking up trey balls like you did back when you were 80 pounds lighter in high school and could actually see your penis when you stood up? That’s all this is. Reliving the glory days of a time when all he had to do was charge straight forward and make sure he didn’t get demolished by 275 pound freaks of nature running 4.4 40s and charging in with the crown of their helmet.
He’s got no media to answer to, nobody throwing INTs instead of handing him the rock to win the ‘ship. Just a man, his bike, and a bus coming straight for dat ass. May the best beast (mode) win.
Or he could just be high on Skittles. Hell of a drug, so I’ve been told..
To read “Seattle Seahawks Players Shared Their Favorite Marshawn Lynch Stories And They’re Incredible,” click here