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Masked Streaker Terrorizing Washington State Girls Dorm

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It was just a typical spring day on the girl’s floor of the Stevenson East dorm on the campus of Washington State University when, with one white streak, the peace was forever ruined. Like a skinny, pale bolt of lightning, a masked streaker shot across the dorm. Several reported sightings later, the unidentified exhibitionist is wanted by WSU campus police.

According to a report from KLEW TV:

The Washington State University Police Department is looking for a man who has a problem keeping his clothes on.

Police said that a streaker is responsible for several indecent exposure incidents in the Stevenson East dorm over the last few months.

The suspect is described as medium height with a slender build, and police have released a composite sketch of him hoping that someone will come forward with information. Police said the man has gone streaking on a few of the female floors in the tower, but he usually wears something to cover his head.

Not only has this solitary streaker terrorized the women’s floors at the dorm, he’s been doing this for months. This pretty much eliminates the possibility that he bailed a girls’ dorm mid-shack and didn’t bother to take his clothes with him. Since he’s done this multiple times in the same dorm, he is either a hero or, much more likely, a complete loser. The man has taken one of college’s proudest traditions and tarnished it in the worst possible way. “Naked-mile” styled co-ed group streakings become the stuff of legend. One guy wearing a mask running through a girl’s dorm by himself is pathetic.

Because every sighting has occurred on one dorm hall, police have pieced together the conclusion that he lives there. The report goes on to say that he has never attacked any of the women on the dorm. He just takes off running as soon as he’s spotted. With that, you could also conclude this guy is a dud who gets his kicks by running around by himself naked in girls’ dorm halls. Since he clearly can’t get any girls naked on his own, he must have realized that he can take his clothes off around girls all by himself. Good chance that works out well for him.

Months of lonely, naked runs have made it pretty clear this guy poses harm to no one but himself. Still, WSU police are being cautious. A police report told students to “get to a safe place” and call 9-1-1 if they see him again. When they find him, which you would think they already would have done by now since they have a composite sketch, physical description and a likely residence, there’s a good chance he might spend some time in the Whitman County Jail. It will be interesting to see how well he likes taking his clothes off there.

[via KLEW TV]


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Rex Reagan

Rex Reagan is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move.

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