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Massive Underground Bunker Going For $17.5 Million In Georgia, Would Make Phenomenal Fraternity House

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What are you looking for in a fraternity house?

Spacious rooms? A beautiful exterior? Something that can weather a 20-kiloton nuclear blast?

If only one of those criteria concerns you, and it happens to be the last one, AND you happen to go to college somewhere near Tifton, Ga., I think I’ve found the house for you. I’ll even drop my real estate finders fee percentage to one percent, leaving me with a meager $175,000 in my pocket.

From USA Today:

This bunker was built in 1969 during the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States. Now, it’s been renovated as a residence and is on sale for $17.5 million.

The EPA-approved facility sits on 20 or more acres and features three-foot thick walls, decontamination showers, an updated air intake system and a host of features that make a bunker, a bunker.

It also has 12 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms, a home theater, exercise room, library, recreation room, workshop and kitchens with a breakfast bar.

Check out more photos on the original USA Today link. I’d pull them and post them here, but that is “illegal” and “wrong” and I could “lose my job” and that would make a lot of you “very unhappy” and “distraught.”

Can you imagine how easy it would be to get away with the small things that hinder fraternities, like noise complaints? You could fucking rock the place with 60 amps going full blast and the earth would sit quietly above you, unfazed at all of the wild shenanigans going on below. You could get away with so much shit down there, near the earth’s core.

And if the world really does come to the brink of nuclear war, do you know how selective you will get to be about who gets to survive the impending apocalypse and stay in your fraternity house?

“Sorry, we are only accepting blonde women between the ages of 18-25, C-cup size or larger! We wish we had room for everyone, we just don’t!”

This house absolutely needs to be the next great fraternity house. I’m looking at a map and it looks like the closest recognizable college is Valdosta State? Maybe one of the houses there would be willing to relocate if they can secure a “generous donation” from an alum.

The future is now, boys. Underground fraternity houses are the next big thing.

[via USA Today]

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