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Mayor Asked To Resign After Throwing Dog Shit On Political Opponent’s Lawn

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Everybody poops. That’s one of the first things we learn. You should never be embarrassed to plop a thunderdumpling into Hades’ fine china, because it’s a natural process we all must endure. Are you embarrassed when you drink water? No. Well, you probably aren’t, but I actually am. That’s only because I’m embarrassed when I do anything, though. I’m a sad, insecure, little man.

Everybody poops, but not everybody flings poop into somebody else’s yard. Furthermore, that poop isn’t always dog shit, you’re not always the mayor, and that person’s yard isn’t always your political opponent’s.

The mayor of a wealthy California town who was caught on camera tossing dog poop onto the walkway of a political opponent is being asked to resign by residents who say he smeared their image.

During a City Council meeting on Wednesday, San Marino residents blasted Mayor Dennis Kneier (kuh-NEER’) and called for him to step down, even though he has apologized.

Kneier claims that it was not a targeted attack, and you’ve got to believe him. I mean, when I randomly find dog shit in a bag on the ground while I’m walking on a residential street–as Kneier claims he did–my first instinct is to pick up the dog shit and chuck it at a private residence. Think about it. It’s just logical.

You have to feel for him, though. Kneier has since apologized and was issued a littering citation. Dude’s already paid his dues and then some. People need to calm down. I miss the good old days, when flinging feces was commonplace. I’m, of course, speaking of the pre-evolutionary days when we were all monkeys flinging our shit everywhere. Fuck, man. That sounds like the life. Why would we ever evolve away from that? You know what? I bet we didn’t. I don’t believe in evolution anymore. Doesn’t add up. Excuse me while I go stink grenade a book club meeting.

[via Yahoo! News]

Image via Philip Lao

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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