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Much Like My Ex-Girlfriend, Kim Jong Un Tells South Korean President He Just Wants To Talk

This site has a history of reporting on the antics of one Kim Jong Un. In fact, my personal BEST friend Dillon (Yo man, text me back) spent a long time priding himself on being a major admirer of the fiery dictator. That was until the brutality from the part-time fashion icon/world’s greatest athlete became just a little too much, and Dorno wisely backed out on his position. Since then, we’ve tended to shy away from the North Korean hype.

But with the commencement of the Winter Olympics, it’s getting more and more difficult to ignore the scrappy little dictator. For the first time in a long time, North Korea has agreed to play nice with their southern neighbor.

From Washington Post:

North Korea’s Kim Jong Un has asked South Korea’s president to join him in Pyongyang for talks, a departure for a belligerent leader more used to issuing threats than invitations.

Moon Jae-in must now walk a fine diplomatic line as he tries to encourage North Korea’s new interest in dialogue without straying too far from the “maximum pressure” approach championed by the United States, South Korea’s military ally.

Moon tried to keep both Pyongyang and Washington happy Saturday when he received the invitation, delivered by Kim Yo Jong, the North Korean leader’s younger sister and close aide, during a meeting at the presidential Blue House in Seoul.

You don’t fool me, little Rocket Man. I sure hope South Korean President Moon Jae-in (fire name, btw) is smart enough to see through this facade that is more thinly veiled than the cardboard of North Korea’s skyline. “Oh hey, my biggest enemy for the last 60 years, wanna come over to North Korea and a have a little chat?” No fucking thanks, dude. Maybe I’m a pessimist, but if a guy who is widely known to execute his family and friends on the reg asks you to dinner, probably pass on that.

I have experience in this realm. Far too many times have I foolishly waltzed into the trap of a scorned woman who swears she “just wants to talk.” Next thing you know, my ’02 Envoy needs four new tires and has a five iron through the dashboard (happens to the best of us, Tiger).

Speaking of someone who avoids the traps of women, Vice President Mike Pence was recently in PyeongChang, and he’s certainly not fooled by the newly agreeable ruler. He gave North Korean leaders a colder shoulder like any woman who is not his wife. Needless to say, they took exception to the disrespect.

“Pence must know that his frantic acts of abusing the sacred Olympics for confrontational ruckus are as foolish and stupid an act as sweeping the sea with a broom,” the North’s state-run Korean Central News Agency said in a commentary published Saturday.

Absolutely electric simile game. Sure, North Korea may not have any food or water available to their children, but still glad to see that they’re really hammering home the need for literary devices. What takes precedence, education or basic human survival? You be the judge.

Here’s to hoping South Korea doesn’t take the bait. Or, if they do, it’s an elborate ruse to go full The Interview on him and finish this thing once and for all.

RIP Otto.

[via Washington Post]

Image via Shutterstock

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Dent

Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out average articles while downing Natty Light.

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