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Things aren’t so hot in Lincoln right now.
After firing former head coach and cartoon villain Bo Pelini for being unable to break over the 9-win hump, the Cornhuskers made a less-than-stellar move and replaced him with the ever milquetoast Mike Riley. How is it working? Well, Nebraska is 3-6 with road losses to Illinois and Purdue and fans have started petitions to fire Riley less than 10 games into his tenure. So, yeah, things have been better in Lincoln.
One charming Nebraska fan (if you didn’t know, all Nebraskans are nice and good people) posted an ad to Craigslist attempting to sell away the rights to the Cornhusker football coach:
This football coach was taken in at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln eleven months ago, saved from a sad situation in Corvallis, OR. We assumed that, given a better, more luxurious home, he would adapt to his surroundings and thrive in his new environment. This hasn’t been the case. It’s now clear that a larger home with greater responsibilities is not the place for him. He would be better off with a gentler home where less is expected of him.
Despite his failures during his time in Nebraska, he is still unbelievably nice (almost to a fault). No matter what the situation, he can be seen with a smile, whether that’s what you want from him or not. He is kind and calm, and won’t disrupt you or upset anyone in charge of him with his behavior. That’s why we brought him in in the first place (his predecessor had behavioral issues that no one could solve).
We believe if brought to a quaint, humble home he would be a beloved addition. His demeanor will convince you that everything will be okay with him around (the effect may wear off after ~8 months). But we are more than willing to give him away if anyone would like to take him.
P.S. If interested, we may also be able to come to a deal on an athletic director in a similar situation.
Poor Nebraska fans. At some point, they are going to have to realize they aren’t elite anymore. It’s hard to recruit to a state where the only hint of diversity comes from what kind of crop you grow.
I’m sure someone will take Riley off their hands. Maybe that one school down in Orlando could use him? Either way, it looks like it’s almost time for Mike to get out of Dodge..