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New Report Claims Osama bin Laden Wore Cowboy Hats To Hide From American Drones

I guess Osama was taking the old “don’t mess with Texas” adage pretty literally? According to an article out of the Daily Mail in the UK, Osama would wander his Abbottabad compound in a cowboy hat, instead of the traditional headwrap look we’re used to, because he thought U.S. drones would never think to shoot missiles at a guy in a cowboy hat. Well, as far as I know, we’ve never used drones to kill a Texan, so I guess he had some data to back it up. I would hesitate to draw conclusions from that though, were I any other terrorist looking to buy a 10 gallon hat as camouflage.

Other interesting revelations from the article include Osama thinking our stealth helicopters were a rain storm, though it seems the only rain that came out of what Osama thought was a cloud burst was just a rain of bullets and freedom, much to his dismay. The report also had some details about the utter collapse of the Pakistani governance in that region. Way to go, Pakistan.

The breakdown of Pakistani power in the region should surprise no one, though. This is a country where tribal factions have more guns and guys than your average military installation in the area. Pakistan is #1 on the list of countries that would stop being our friend if we didn’t pay them billions a year to be our friend, which is probably why they ruled our little incursion a murder and put a good doctor on trial for it.

At the end of the day, Osama made one fatal miscalculation: if you’re going to use a cowboy hat to give off the “don’t mess with Texas” vibe, you probably should be a Texan, living in Texas. Not a terrorist, living in Pakistan.

[via The Daily Mail]


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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