It’s always been said that attending the actual Super Bowl game is a little overrated. Sure, it’s a grand spectacle and the cocaine is great (not Heat-Lakers NBA Finals great, but whatever), but a lot of the people in attendance are the rich guys who were simply able to afford the exorbitant ticket prices and are there just to be there, not to mention the bevy of celebrities and athletes who really don’t give a shit. That makes the crowd pretty subdued (even despite the blow) compared to a high pressure game played in a team’s home stadium.
Add in the fact that this year’s game is being played outdoors — in the winter — in New Jersey, that getting to the stadium is going to be the biggest bitch at the Super Bowl since Brenda Warner, and no tailgating is allowed, and one has to wonder why they would even want to attend this game. That question becomes even more legitimate when you realize that, instead of freezing your balls off in America’s most misleadingly nicknamed state (Garden State? Try dumpster fire), you could stay in NYC and catch the game at Scores or some other strip club, because the Big Apple’s finest gentleman’s establishments are preparing for your business by stocking up on extra pole jockeys, just for you! And by “you” I mean the wildly affluent crowd that will be there for the game but understandably opting to stay in New York instead of traveling Jersey. This according to TMZ:
In fact, a rep for Scores — Howard Stern’s favorite joint — tells us they’re not just bringing in talent from across the country … they’re flying in a bunch of chicks from Russia who’ve BEGGED for the chance to shake their asses for the richest pervs in America.
So, instead paying an arm and a leg to cuddle up next to a hobo on public transportation before freezing to death in the stadium, why not watch the big game while chowing down on what I’m sure will be a quality buffet of football food all while a hundred sets of sweet bewbs, perfectly crafted by God or some surgeon’s God-given talent, bounce around you, instead? The strip club is better than the stadium because, as I said, not cold and…boobs, and it’ll be better than a Super Bowl party too, if only for the fact that when one of the girls asks an inane question about the game, you can just pay her to shut up and dance instead of answering. Afraid you’ll miss the commercials? Nips > talking animals making PG-13 jokes.
Not only are NYC’s strip clubs shipping in foreign talent to meet the perv demand, several porn stars will be making guest appearances at the clubs as well.
And it’s not just strippers .. we’ve also learned some of the biggest porn stars in the bang biz — including Ash Hollywood, Tera Patrick and Brandi Aniston — are also jetting to NYC to grind poles at the opening of the new Vivid Cabaret.
To say that I would rather watch Tera Patrick strip to a Whitesnake track being played from an iPod instead of watch Bruno Mars crush an elaborately choreographed performance is an understatement, and probably one that says a lot about me. Whatever. I’m cool with it.
All this ‘extra strippers for the Super Bowl’ talk has me wondering though, what in the name of God do strip clubs have to do when the NBA All-Star Weekend comes to town? Conscript strippers off the street? Raid the entire porn industry? Buy Russian and Japanese mail order brides in bulk? Not to mention all the extra copper poles they need. Must be a logistical nightmare.