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Before I read this story all that really ever came to mind when I thought about New Zealand was “The Lord of the Rings” and a very racist dragon (who no doubt chose the name for New Zealand’s national soccer team). To be honest I didn’t think New Zealanders had any redeeming qualities at all, outside of speaking English. But apparently Kiwis happen to be quite the hilarious drinkers. They’ve invented a new drinking game called “Possum,” here are the rules:
It’s a hilarious concept but it sounds kind of boring. I have to assume that this game was invented to pass time after the entire country was no longer needed as extras for Peter Jackson movies. How long does it actually take for someone to get so drunk that they fall out of a tree they were sitting in? Drunkenly climbing a tree is a bitch for sure, but sitting down is sort of one of the things drunk people are best at, it’s in their wheelhouse. I assumed these crazy Kiwi kids had to be killing fifths as quickly as possible and swinging from limb to limb like alcoholic Tarzans. Not the case according to the article.
24 beers? College must suck balls in New Zealand. This game has potential to be sure, but there need to be some serious improvements made. In other words, we need to Americanize this bitch. Here are my proposed rule changes:
-No beer. Each player is given a fifth of whiskey.
-At the beginning of the game there has to be enough room for every player to sit comfortably (you don’t want people falling out BEFORE they’re drunk).
-You can do anything you want at any time (after an initial 30 minutes, we want them drunk) to knock other players out of the tree.
-If there is an audience they are allowed to throw things at the players.
-All players start at the lowest level of the tree. After an hour they must move up to the next level of branches. This continues until the game is over.
-The champion gets nothing, not even pride, because who cares.
I think I just infinitely improved this “Possum,” oh, but since it’s American now we’re calling it “Freedom Tree.” I’m not going to lie, I’d really like to watch people play this game. I feel like there are certain people who would be perfectly suited to participate while I watched, drank, and laughed. I wonder who…
So do you think the Kiwis would appreciate these rule changes? I think this quote from a random Guardian commenter says it all:
Things not being considered awesome until America likes it. TFM.