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Someone Please, Please, Please Draft Chad Kelly

chad-kelly

So things got pretty saturated with Johnny Manziel news, right? By the end of his run, he would’ve had to hijack a cruise ship full of orphans and drunkenly steered it into a cartel-controlled Mexican port city for me to have raised an eyebrow. We all grew tired of the constant barrage of news about the guy. However, you can’t deny how exciting his reign of terror was, and we’re still searching for someone to take up his space on that mantle. The solution is obvious, and its name is Chad.

The nephew of NFL great Jim Kelly, Chad, who prefers the nickname “Swag,” has had a long and interesting run as a college quarterback. He’s played for three different colleges, and has had disciplinary issues pop up throughout his career. In his most famous incident, he got into an altercation with a bouncer outside of a club, threatened to return to the club with an AK-47, and resisted arrest. Hell, the guy even came up with a terrible rap song about himself. As if this weren’t enough, he also managed to score some touchdowns along the way. 41 of them, in fact, in his junior year at Ole Miss alone.

When news broke of Swag Kelly’s season-ending injury back in November, I thought, “That sucks, but at least the shit train will keep on rolling into the pros.” I’ve recently noticed, however, that many analysts expect him to go undrafted this April. And I get it. The glaring character issues, accuracy problems, and lack of pocket awareness come together to paint a bleak picture for Chad on draft day. But I’m making an appeal to all the general managers and personnel out there: Please, please, please draft Chad Kelly.

I’m not saying this from the traditional standpoint of, “Well, he’ll straighten out if you put him in the right system.” I don’t want a Bill Belichick who will stifle his magic, or a Bruce Arians to call him out for having bad practices. I want him with some schmuck who will enable him. Who will let him keep us entertained. Whomever drafts him has the added bonus of not having to sacrifice a high pick to get him, too. Johnny Manziel cost a 1st-rounder two years ago; you can probably get Chad for a seventh.

When you draft Chad Kelly, you’re getting a guy who would shoot up a nightclub for his teammates, which I feel is something that is sorely lacking in the modern sports landscape. Sure, mild-mannered guys like Dak Prescott and Russell Wilson will stack up wins for your team, but the NFL is primarily a business of entertainment. To those ends, Chad will never disappoint.

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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