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No One Cares If You Leave The Country If Trump Is Elected

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Every four years the country is divided down the middle, promoting hate for the other side of the political aisle, slandering reputations, embellishing stories and ruining innocent lives along the way in order to sway voters towards a candidate of choice. And that’s just the cable news outlets.

As for celebrities, gone are the days when their involvement in an election process was nothing more than an appearance on an MTV “Rock the Vote” promo wearing an “I voted” pin. No, now we have to threaten fans to vote for the candidate they have chosen to support themselves or they’ll leave the country. That’s right, cast a vote against your favorite entertainer and poof, they’re out of this bitch.

Notable names that have pledged to move out of the country should Donald Trump win the election: Amy Schumer, Samuel L. Jackson, Barbra Streisand, Lena Dunham, Spike Lee, Jon Stewart, Chelsea Handler, and most recently Bryan Cranston.

Notable names that have pledged to leave the country should Hillary Clinton win the election: uncles everywhere.

I just don’t get what the point is of celebrities threatening to leave the country. Concerns over what country the mansion Samuel L. Jackson lives in should be the least of anyone’s concerns. In fact, I’m sleeping better at just the thought of an America without Lena Dunham.

I’m a huge Bryan Cranston fan – but it’s not like we hang out on the weekends. Unless Cranston is able to take the rights to Breaking Bad with him across the border, I couldn’t care less where he chooses to rest his head.

Are there really that many lunatics out there that see this as an actual factor in election voting? Is Spike Lee having you over on Friday nights for pizza and to screen a director’s cut of an upcoming movie? Does Lena Dunham need a lift to the airport? When you run out of sugar, are you running next door to borrow some from Amy Schumer? Who are you going to get to split those Mets season tickets with now that Jon Stewart is leaving you? Seriously, is Lena Dunham still here?

Vote for whoever you want. Don’t worry; you’ll still be able to keep close tabs on when Chelsea Handler goes topless on Instagram. Sup, Chelsea?

Whomever you may be voting for, just remember to take to social media and vent until your fingers bleed about the election. Everybody has been waiting four years for your political insight – especially if you’ve appeared on TV at some point in your life. Hopefully Lena Dunham will like your cleverly worded tweet before she has to shut off all electronic devices on her flight out of town.

Regardless of the winner, no one will truly have faith in the next leader’s vision for our future. We’re probably fucked either way, but these colors/citizens don’t run. There’s no country I’d rather be fucked in than America.

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If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!

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