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North Korea Needs To Calm The Fuck Down

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Kim Jong Un and his pack of idiots are at it again this week. North Korea released a video on their government website depicting what seems to be a look into the future through the eyes of Kim Jong Un. Well, either that or an awfully produced educational video on space that you watched in fifth grade. The video also depicts American cities engulfed in flames and fighter jets crashing into buildings. A poorly played, keyboard version of “We Are The World” is being played in the background. I’ll give them points for gut-busting irony.

North Korea is also slated to test a nuclear missile in the next few days, as well, and that will probably cause all sorts of problems in international politics. These are crazy people we are dealing with here. You would think feeding, employing and supplying power to your own people would be more important than nuclear warfare, but I guess it isn’t above the 39th parallel.

It’s not like the US of A can just invade North Korea and butt-fuck them into submission like I would love to see us do. One of their biggest allies is China. I mean, fuck China, but they’re not exactly a military lightweight. North Korea is acting like an Ed Hardy wearing douche at a bar, standing behind their bigger, more muscular friend and you just want to pop them right in the jaw and fuck their girlfriend, but you can’t because you know you’d be in for a real fight with the big, muscular dude. Any type of conflict with North Korea may very well result in World War III and Kim Jong Un knows it. So he’ll keep popping off garbage like this until China finally backs off of their support of the world’s version of Flint, Michigan.

I believe the US should submit a response to this video. Have Michael Bay direct it, have Gwar playing in the background and just scare the shit out of them. Or just have footage of drone strikes and the shock-and-awe invasion of Baghdad in 2003. That should shut them down.

I’m not worried about North Korea. They are comedy on the international front. Hilarious, really. What does scare me is their strong, but deteriorating, alliance with China. I’m wondering if China actually gets anything out of that alliance? Maybe North Korea is like the friend that’s always down on his luck and broke and China’s just helping them out until North Korea gets their shit together. But it doesn’t look like that’s happening any time soon.

Calm the fuck down, North Korea.

[via The Telegraph]

Image via Bloomberg


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The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don't know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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