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North Koreans Are Persecuted And Starving To Death But They Have An Awesome Chain-Smoking Chimp

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The happiest living creature in North Korea is a 19-year-old chain-smoking chimp named Azalea that lives in a zoo in Pyongyang. A pack a day, they say.

PETA is up in arms about this for some reason, which is really dumb because A) Aren’t they all about promoting animal rights? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s their whole shtick. So then why do they want to take away Azalea’s right to burn heaters all day long? I mean she’s in a zoo in North fucking Korea. Maybe let her enjoy herself a little? Let’s say the cigs end her life a couple years early. Yeah, and? It’s not like she was living it up in the jungles of Africa, swinging from tree to tree and eating all the bananas she could stuff in her mouth and just having the time of her life. She’s in an enclosure in one of the worst countries on the planet. Let her take the edge off.

Oh and B) She doesn’t even inhale, so it’s actually chill.

From ABC News:

They insist, however, she doesn’t inhale.

Thrown a lighter by a zoo trainer, the chimpanzee lights her own cigarettes. If a lighter isn’t available, she can light up from lit cigarette if one is tossed her way.

Though such a sight would draw outrage in many other locales, it seemed to delight visitors who roared with laughter on Wednesday as the chimpanzee, one of two at the zoo, sat puffing away as her trainer egged her on. The trainer also prompted her to touch her nose, bow thank you and do a simple dance.

See, what kind of life is that? How about a little something for the effort? Yeah, they make her do tricks on command to entertain the miserable people of North Korea, so it’s only fair to toss her a light and a pack of P-Funks every day and let her blow off some steam. Stay out of it, PETA, you fucking assholes.

[via ABC News]

Image via Shutterstock

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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