Ah, the land of North Korea — a glorious kingdom where national pride is inversely proportional to the food supply, where schoolchildren sing heartwarming songs of violent global conquest and hymns of praise for Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un, the son of God who will undoubtedly topple the evil, obese, and foolish American government machine.
In celebration of the vibrant nation’s 70th anniversary, the state-controlled KCNA news agency published over 300 slogans that the people of North Korea will be forced — or, sorry, encouraged — to recite on the date of the monumental occasion.
Below are some of the best, from CNN, and apparently, they’re real.
“Let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms by making mushroom cultivation scientific, intensive and industrialized!”
Sounds like an idea John Lennon could get behind. Hopefully, it will pan out better than their last food production scheme: breeding giant rabbits.
“Let this socialist country resound with the song of big fish haul and be permeated with the fragrant smell of fish and other seafoods!”
*deep inhale* Good morning, ladies!
“Let the laughter of the children ring by increasing the production of their foodstuffs!”
HAHAHA I didn’t starve to death LOL.
“Keep streets, villages, mountains and rivers as neat and tidy as one’s own courtyard!”
Don’t leave your Doritos bag at the top of the mountain.
I think Greek life could learn a thing or two from these guys. I’m fed up (a sensation our North Korean friends have never felt) with the tired Greek slogans I have seen dozens of times slapped on banners and the backs of T-shirts: “Go Greek or Go Home,” “I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time,” “Don’t Cry Because It’s Over, Smile Because it Happened,” and worst of all, “Live the Life You Love, Love the Life You Live.” Boring.
Here are some far more attention-grabbing Greek slogans, fashioned in the style of North Korean propaganda:
“Let us make Frat of the Geeds with the attire of our respected fathers!”
“Let us inspire unto pledges the fear of a thousand unplanned pregnancies with the Paddle of Conformation!”
“Let us drink deeply from the Keg of Good Tidings and swallow the bile that may come forthwith!”
“Let this social hierarchy commence in meetings as long as the day is nigh and as useless as the frockets on our chests!”
“Let us dance merrily from window to wall, till perspiration trickles from the Fruits of Our Ancestors!”
“Let us locate the Spot of Many Pleasures with a slight curvature and upwards motion of our index and middle fingers!”
Feel free to use any of these to MAKE BENEFIT FOR GLORIOUS FRAT.
Image via Attila JANDI / Shutterstock