Nothing But Respect For This Guy Who Lifted Beer From A Gas Station After Clerk Wouldn’t Sell Him Any

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There are a lot of sweaty, defeated-looking, mugshots coming out of the state of Florida these days. The above definitely falls in that category. But unlike most criminals coming out of the Sunshine State, I am kind of on this one’s side. The only crime he committed was wanting someone to sell him some fucking beer.

From TC Palm:

“What would happen if I stole some beer?”

A man frustrated he couldn’t buy alcohol at 2:30 a.m. Friday stole two cases of Bud Light from a gas station and quickly found out the answer to his question when he received a trip to jail in the back of a patrol car, police said.

Christopher Maxwell, 33, of the 8200 block of 92nd Avenue, was charged with petty theft, two counts of battery on a law enforcement officer and violently resisting arrest.

I thought this was America. Who are we to tell a guy when he can and cannot get a beer? I have been in this very situation, and I totally get the guy’s rage.

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A while back, I was on my way home from a long day of travel mayhem. Just one of those shitty days where you think to yourself, “man, I could really use a beer.” So I decided to make a quick pitstop at the gas station around the corner from my house. I grabbed a couple of tall boys and went to the register where the cashier smugly let me know that I could not buy any alcohol because it was after 2:00 a m. — it was 2:03. In that moment, I found myself dangerously close to hopping the counter and going Tyson on that fuck.

Police encountered Maxwell about a quarter-mile away, at Indian River Boulevard and Martin Avenue.

He was carrying a case of beer in each hand, police said.

“Upon exiting my patrol vehicle, I gave several commands for Maxwell to stop walking, but he refused and took a bladed stance towards me,” an officer recounted in the affidavit.

Maxwell snatched the officer’s shoulder radio off and attempted to punch him before he was taken to the ground and handcuffed, the affidavit said.

Maxwell was held late Friday in the Indian River County Jail with bail set at $16,000.

Okay, so maybe we shouldn’t totally respect this guy. Trying to punch police isn’t cool. Although, the part about him snatching the radio is hilarious. What was the purpose of that? I just imagine him frantically radioing in, “calling all units, the clerk at the gas station off of Indian River Boulevard is a total snitch! Lock him up!”

It was a pretty horrible night for Chris. His petty theft of $32 in beer turned into something much worse in a matter of seconds. It’s true, he shouldn’t have lost his temper, but people make mistakes. In my book, you give him a pass. He came for beer, and he left with beer. Follow through like that deserves some respect.

[via TC Palm]

Image via Indian River County Sheriff’s Department

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Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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