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Occupy What? Why?

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Unless you’ve been systematically avoiding the media for the last month I’m sure you’re well aware that Wall Street has been “occupied.” Now, when I hear occupation I automatically think of some kind of invasion by the Mongols, Nazis, al Qaeda, or hell…even China. But, there’s something about a few thousand unemployed and malodorous liberals marching around Manhattan that doesn’t scream occupation at me.

The Occupy Wall Street movement is reminiscent of the anti-Vietnam War protests of the 1960’s, except for the general lack of purpose to the whole thing. The group claims that the occupation is a protest against corporate greed and that they are fighting for the middle class against the evil 1%, as they call it. But, that’s pretty much the end of their platform. The reality is that the movement is more of a socialist uprising with the participants bonded together over a common desire to restrict the free market, abolish true capitalism, and institute some kind of liberal ass new world order. Doesn’t that sound like a great idea? The people that somehow have enough free time to protest for an entire month have a solution for our nation’s problems. I’ve got a solution for ‘em. How about all you stop chanting in a park and get a fucking job! What kind of grown man has the time to join a protest rally for an entire month about nothing in particular? I’ll tell you: the kind of man that doesn’t really matter. I’m sure the middle class that they claim to be defending is probably too busy working and being a contributing member of society to worry about their bullshit publicity stunt.

But wait, it gets better. If you were wondering what kind of people this movement is composed of, New York magazine conducted a survey about the political beliefs of the group. The result is a cross between hilarious and horrifying. 55% didn’t vote in the last election, 37% believe capitalism is fundamentally evil, and 77% want to raise taxes on only the wealthy. We should ship them all to Cuba and let them live out their fantasy notion of an alternative to capitalism. I’m sure Castro would love for them to protest in his park.


As much as I’d like this to end quickly we are a month in to this overly dramatic protest and it has garnered worldwide attention as GDIs, liberals, and hippies around the globe have taken up the call. Despite the global support one question still remains unanswered: What the fuck do they want? I don’t understand how you protest corporate greed for an entire fucking month without a proposed solution. The group has not officially made any demands. Now maybe they’re too busy wandering around the city with poster boards harassing everyone that’s more successful, but they could’ve at least taken 20 minutes to come up with some kind of platform. This is going to go down as the vaguest demonstration in history.

In addition to the lack of true purpose, there’s also no leader. None at all. No one is in charge nor responsible for the demonstration. They just roam around New York like an amoeba of poverty and bitterness sucking joy and productivity from everything around them. The Occupy Wall Street movement is troublesome because it shows how easily the weak of mind can be rallied together under false pretenses and inaccurate information, but I wouldn’t be too concerned. Shortly they’ll all have to return to their puddles of mediocrity and we’ll go back to doing what we do best. Running shit.

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