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Halloween Costumes That Will Offend Everyone

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Yeah, the Bias Education Response Team sounds like something out of Cold War Era Russia. But if a school like the University of Florida (and, let’s be real, every other school awash in liberal tears, which is every other school) finds it important to create an administrative arm to deal with typical college-aged douchebaggery, then we might as well make sure that our tuition money, and all that middle-management, doesn’t go to waste.

With that in mind I wanted to help you guys out with some wildly offensive costume ideas. It’s an easy way to make a splash at that Halloween Party coming up. And since there’s someone manning the hotline 24/7, we might as well make sure they’re being put to work.

1. Someone with an opinion

Do you have an opinion? Is it different than someone else’s opinion? Congratulations, you’re Hitler.

2. Police Officer

Someone might feel so threatened by your costume that they call the actual police on you. The irony would absolutely be lost on them.

3. A white guy

4. Kim Kardashian being robbed at gun point

Actually, anything with a gun. Fuck it, just go dressed as a gun.

5. Clowns

6. Gluten

7. A zoo keeper with a gun

Gun + dead endangered species + potential to also be mistaken as racist (because anything is racist if you believe hard enough) = trigger city.

8. Harambe

Because apparently Harambe references are micro-aggressions

9. Donald Trump

10. Bill Clinton

11. Someone who conforms to traditional gender norms

Maybe call the costume “Penis Hitler.”

12. A Christian

It’s a conservative, patriarchal religion, and openly practicing that faith is akin to being a serial daycare arsonist nowadays.

13. An “All Lives Matter” Protestor

14. Dick Butt

15. An athlete

Because locker room talk “has GOT to go.” Plus, you’ll be body shaming everyone who isn’t fit enough to be an athlete. Actually, it’s technically ableism too.

16. Jerry Sandusky

A guy whose locker room talk everyone can agree was a bit much.

17. Bill Cosby

18. A guy in a fraternity

Pretty easy. Just grab your letters. Try not to serve anyone drinks so you don’t get arrested.

19. A Republican

20. Kim Jong Un

21. A Syrian

22. Vladimir Putin

23. He-Man

Traditional masculinity pisses off everyone, though this costume might end up being incredibly well-liked when most people (rightly) assume you’re gay.

24. Colin Kaepernick

Yeah your night will definitely end with either a fist fight or a social media public shaming by a complete stranger.

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Harhko, Esq.

Son of The Most Interesting Man in the World. Has a weakness for single malt scotch and older women.

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