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Ohio State’s Commie Administration Tries to Shut Down Mirror Lake Jump, Students Fight Back

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On any list of the greatest rivalries in all of sports, you’d have to put Ohio State-Michigan either at the top or just behind Rex Ryan’s rivalry with Type Two Diabetes. Some of the most important aspects of this rivalry are the traditions in the week leading up to it. During the week leading up to The Game, the letter M is taken out of every written entity on Ohio State’s campus (for exa*ple, Brady Hoke is an abo*inable scu* guzzler). The most memorable — or unmemorable, if done correctly — event of Beat *ichigan Week is the Mirror Lake Jump. For over 20 years, tens of thousands of my fellow drunken idiots have jumped into a freezing lake around midnight on the last Tuesday of November just on the off chance that it might help the Buckeyes win. However, this year, a horrendous threat stood in the way.

Meet Javaune Adams-Gaston, Vice President of Student Life at The Ohio State University, and noted fun-sponge. Gaston is known around campus as “Dr. J,” probably for her ability to disappoint large amounts of people in the state of Ohio, and despite the fact that she probably can’t even dunk. Dr. J has instituted many regulations meant to make an event that is impossible to be done safely a little bit safer, but all they’ve really done is make everyone angry. She is requiring all jumpers to wear wristbands, and she had the perimeter of the area fenced off, because apparently a public lake needs to be bounced by Bobby Bottleservice. Since we all know that alcohol and anger is a pair that must have been struck by Cupid’s arrow, the fences were torn down by proactive drunkards (read: American heroes) on Monday, even though the real jump isn’t until tonight.

“All the changes are for the safety of our students,” Dr. J said, presumably from on top of her broom surrounded by an army of winged monkeys. There will definitely be repercussions from the overlords for the unsanctioned rebellion, but Mirror Lake Jump, much like America, should never be regulated.

Despite Tuesday night plans to embark on the annual Mirror Lake Jump, the students have preemptively defeated the administration. Some of them jumped a night early, perhaps a precursor for what’s to come tonight.

[via The Columbus Dispatch]

Image via College Humor


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Marty Funkhouser

Marty Funkhouser (@FratAsFunk) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move.

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