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Old Man Goes Out Doing What He Loved, Gets Lap Danced To Death At Strip Club

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First thought, how do you want to die?

If you chose anything besides barebacking the Mother Of All Bombs Doctor Strangelove style while firing machine guns wildly into the air, drunk as a Catholic school girl on winter break, until it falls on zombie Bin Laden and all of the members of ISIS that ever lived, rethink your life please.

Now, if you need a backup option, being smothered by multiple strippers in a lap-dance Kiss of Death might not be a bad plan B.


El Paso County sheriff’s officials said a 67-year-old man died at an El Paso County strip club Friday night.

The manager at the Red Parrot strip club said that the man, identified by sheriff’s officials as Robert Gene White, was getting lap dances, but when it came time to pay the dancers, he was unresponsive.

Way to go, sad old dude. At least he died doing what he loved.

But wait a minute. Does anyone else think it’s suspicious that he kicked the bucket right when the check was due? What if we’ve stumbled upon the smoothest, free-loading strip club con man ever, pulling some major Machiavellian stunt to get out of ponying up for the bill?

My money is the coroner is an accomplice, and Ol’ Rob is going to slip out of his body bag and slink away from the morgue like nothing ever happened. I guarantee he’s behind the wheel of a 1976 Buick LaSabre right now, with a glove compartment filled with puffer fish toxin or that Batman stuff that puts you into a fake coma, driving off into the sunset.

Well played, sir. Well played.


Image via Shutterstock

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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