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US Olympic Rower Megan Kalmoe Is A True Patriot, Would “Row Through Shit” For America

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With the 2016 Summer Olympics upcoming, host city Rio de Janeiro continues to generate bad press with its super bacteria, mosquitoes that carry Zika (which I think is some disease that will make your dick fly off), and shit-filled bays. The athlete’s villages suck and the country’s political system is in turmoil, but the amount of negativity regarding the games is starting to piss off American rower Megan Kalmoe.

From The Guardian:

It is known that athletes are going to be at risk for illness. It is known that we are going to have to be smart, hygienic and take precautions. Great. Let’s move on. What purpose does it serve to dwell on this? What benefit can we possibly gain from drilling athletes on their position on the water quality in Rio? None.

Despite an egregious lack of preparation on Brazil’s part, Kalmoe wants to stem the flow of shitty remarks about Rio. She contends that, along with all the other American athletes, she worked too hard to have her accomplishments diminished by the media’s fixation on the sewage-laden waters of Rio (even though they’ve known about this issue for awhile now). Shouldn’t we hold the Brazilian government culpable for the lack of improvement?

Suggesting that someone is doing a bad job while also implying that you would do a better job but also refusing to offer to do the job, or even to help, is a pretty crappy stance, and sounds a lot like someone who probably doesn’t have any friends.

I haven’t been hyper-critical of this Rio folly, mainly because I won’t give a shit about the Olympics until football is introduced. Recall, we could have hosted the Summer Olympics in Chicago this year, so we don’t have much room to complain. And I have plenty of friends, thank you very much (though I did pay for most of them).

She calms her tone towards the end of the rant.

All of us [Olympians] owe something to our nation for getting us this far, or for believing in us, and competing under our shared colors is our way of expressing our gratitude to you. So tell me again why you want to talk about poop?

If you are that insecure about where we stand, America, let me be the one to say it. I’ll say it, if it will allay your fears and put some of these issues to rest:

I will row through shit for you, America.

That’s the American spirit. She’s going to ignore all the haters and go out and do her job. Who cares if her babies are born with tiny heads? Not Megan. Drug-resistant bacteria? Bring it on. Spotty plumbing? Who gives a crap. Megan’s going to row through shit for us and we should have her back.

[via The Guardian]

Image via Shutterstock

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to

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