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Oral And Anal Sex Are FELONIES, Says Bill Passed By Michigan Senate

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A bill was passed by the Michigan Senate that makes oral sex and anal sex, both suggested felonies, punishable by up to 15 years in prison, and even LIFE if the offender is deemed “sexually delinquent.” A delinquent is defined as “showing or characterized by a tendency to commit crime.” Therefore, a sexual delinquent must be someone who has a tendency to engage in either oral or anal sex. This describes every person I know.

The bill has yet to clear the House, and won’t because not only is it nonsensical and asinine, it’s unconstitutional.

From Frontiers Media:

Despite the Supreme Court rendering anti-sodomy laws unconstitutional in 2003, Michigan is one of more than a dozen states that still has a sodomy ban on the books. It also has one of the worst – not only does it ban anal and oral sex for gay couples, it also bans the acts between straight partners, and even equates them to bestiality.

A new package of bills designed to keep pets out of the hands of animal abusers includes an update to the text of the ban, but leaves the restriction on consensual sex between humans intact.

Republican Senator Rick Jones’ SB 219 updates the ban to read: “A person who commits the abominable and detestable crime against nature either with mankind or with any animal is guilty of a felony.”

It’s that “with mankind,” that’s with issue, and technically leaves straight and gay couples practicing anal and oral sex at risk of a prison sentence of up to 15 years – or even up to life if the offender is a “sexually delinquent person.” Obviously, that’s all wildly unconstitutional.

As a card-carrying member of the No Butt Play Club, I still support your right to play around down there. And they have a problem with oral, too?! Sheeeeeeiiiit. Republican Senator Rick Jones needs some of that fire head you read so much about to change his whole perspective on shit.

Jones has also submitted a request to name lights-on, sober missionary as the State Sexual Position of Michigan, probably.

Quick note on the image I chose for this article: It’s my favorite picture to use with any sexually-oriented content. Just look at it. The shorts, the power stance, her body language — you know they’re just minutes away from some unprotected dorm room sex.

[via Frontiers Media]

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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