The Cure to Coronavirus

2020 has been the oddest year of my entire life. The year rolled in like every other year. The bars were open, the parties were raving, the streets were packed, and strangers were sucking face without a second thought.

Nowadays Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays are all the same to me, I don’t know if it’s July or March right now and I don’t really care to find out because there isn’t jack shit to do anyway.

With nothing to do but drink beer and smoke weed, everyone is more glued to their phones than ever and in result social media usage has increased nationwide.

The internet is a place of trendiness. Websites and applications come and go, only the great ones stay around. In the last year TikTok has taken over and become the trendiest form of social media, whether you like it or not.

Now there’s nothing American’s love doing more than bitching about how China caused a virus, yet they give away literally all their information to everyone’s favorite Chinese spyware, TikTok.

If you do not think TikTok has all your information you are dumb as fuck. It’s banned in all branches of the military and the TSA, on top of that both the Republican and Democratic national committees warned staff to not download TikTok.

I think these viruses are a real issue, both corona and TikTok. But I hate how political COVID has become. How stupid do you have to be to think the government is trying out socialism with the masks? Under the rule of Trump? I don’t think so. Do you realize how much the government already knows about you? If China or the government gave a shit about you, you would know. No one is trying to control you bro. You aren’t that important. Just throw the fucking mask on, get your Chipotle and take it off, no need to throw a fit about it Karen.

The Virus

But in all honesty, Fuck COVID-19. Rest in peace to anyone that passed away from this thing, but seriously it fucking blows. It’s shut down the whole country and doctors still have not figured out the rhyme or reason why certain people are losing their sense of smell for a day and why some people are dying. How have we not figured out more about this virus? It’s simple. The government is hiding the cure due to their extreme fear of Americans becoming sicker than ever.

I know the cure is taking chops. I saw a “fake article” saying American Spirit Blues and weed make you immune to corona, but I still have not met one kid that takes chops and got corona. Maybe the government is hiding something from us? They don’t want you to know the truth.

Now for those who are not aware chops are a smooth mix of cannabis and cigarette tobacco, placed into a bong and sucked down in one rough hit. Someone’s stance on taking chops can make or break a friendship immediately, just like the truth of the chop cure would tear this country apart. The United States government knows the world isn’t ready for the truth, so they sit back and get rich off corona treatments while we all know a chop a day keeps the doctor away.

Let’s take a look at the numbers.

The government has classified all the true C2C (chop to covid) ratios, so I had to do my own testing.

The last week of the year my fraternity decided to get together one last time. Shocking to no one we ended up with a huge COVID scare and the majority of us had to go get tested. Although I was negative, about 15 of my friends tested positive. This is about 15% of the fraternity, but still significant because NONE of these 15 men took chops regularly. That is a 0/15 c2c ratio. Out of 15 people it was hard to find a variable these men had in common, some vaped, some did not, some drank a lot, some did not drink much. It took hours of questioning and critical thinking to come up with our brave solution, but we are 100% sure we have secured the cure to corona, who knew we’d be smoking it?

So, my main point. The original “fake” article cannot be found anywhere on the internet, and I bet the author can’t be found anywhere in the world. If I get taken by the government too so be it, the world needs to know the chop can save lives. The government doesn’t want you to be happy and corona free. The mask is actually just a ploy to prevent you from ripping an 8:00 AM chop. American Spirits are natural (says so on the package) and weed is green and from the earth so it has to be good for you. Throw away your medicine, never get a vaccination again, in fact you don’t even need a doctor, just shoot me a DM. Please spread awareness of the importance of taking chops. It could save a friend’s life or even your own.

-Becker

Disclaimer: I am not a conspiracy theorist. Wear a mask. Get Vaccinated. Go to the doctor. Don’t take chops you will get cancer.