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PCB Bans Alcohol On Beach During Spring Break 2016 And You Only Have Yourselves To Blame

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No alcohol will be allowed on the sands of Panama City Beach next year during spring break after the most no-brainer move in the history of the state of Florida was passed on Tuesday night. I’ve been trying to tell you spring break beach punks that your lewd behavior is going to catch up to you eventually, and now it has.

There are only so many public sex acts and fist fights and titty flashes and crotch groping and hardcore drug ingesting and STD swapping you can do on that beach before the authorities step in and pull the plug on the whole operation. You only have yourselves to blame, too. You know that, right? Actually, you should thank them. Futures are ruined on that beach. Maybe yours will now be preserved.


After years of discussion, months of loud public outcry and a battle of dueling t-shirts, the Panama City Beach City Council unanimously approved a motion Tuesday night to ban alcohol consumption on the beaches during March 2016, the peak of the college spring break season.

The council voted 5-0 in favor of the ban in the closing minutes of a three-hour council meeting that took place at the Arnold High School auditorium rather than the usual city council chambers to accommodate the hundreds of residents who wanted to weigh in on the proposals.

Members of the group Citizens for a New Panama City Beach erupted into applause after the vote was taken.

You see that? They ERUPTED into applause once the vote tally was announced. And you know why, don’t you? You damn heathens with your skimpy bikinis and your tallywackers not staying put away in your swim trunks. “Oh look, we made it to the beach. Let’s drink ourselves into a coma and make decisions that could potentially derail the rest of our lives and drive our parents toward depression and alcoholism.” Idiots.

Look at how you animals behave out there:

Monsters. By the time I have kids in college, I hope spring break is canceled all together. Yeah I said it!


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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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