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Fail Friday October 2010: Worse Than Halloween Horrors

This month started off nice enough; we were all about “saving the tata’s” because it was breast cancer awareness month.  But it didn’t last.  Eventually it started… and then it grew… like a pandemic zombie apocalypse.  Eventually it seemed 2 out of every 3 posts were about or DIRECTLY ADDRESSING GDI’s as if the geeds, themselves were reading the site back then.

Why do we have to focus on the negative instead of the POSTIVE that unites us?

Oh, well. Now for 15 posts that were POSITIVE-ly bad (like that joke).
My bro was worried that a girl didn’t like him so I soothed him with these words of advice, “you’re a junior in a frat, which means you are basically a god with a visor and an unlimited access to popularity…she wants you” TFM
(“Soothing” your bro is SUCH a TFM.  “Yeah bro, she totally wants you.  I mean just LOOK at that visor.  Are you kidding me?!”)
Getting hazed for showing up to tailgate an hour late, by my mother. TFM
(This was user True Sorostitute so I think this was meant to be a TSM.  TSM’s and TFM’s were on the same wall at this time.  But the image of a 2010 fancy/mega-prep “Fratstar” or big-money, big dip, bigger-boot, Texas Fratstar being legit hazed by his mom was too good to pass up.)
Just had the most unprotected sex… ever. TFM
(So like in a situation of bodily harm as well as chance of spreading disease and known increased chance of pregnancy? Near fire or falling rock?  Around dangerous animals?  What does this mean?!)
Took a huge deuce in the business school. While I was washing my hands and tucking my shirt, a GDI walked in and asked me what that smell was. I looked at him with a straight face and said “It’s your future”. I heard sobs as I walked out. TFM.
(Someone walked into the bathroom smelling something bad, more or less like shit, and he asked a guy in there who was, let me remind you… just finishing up a shit…what that smell is.  Ok.  Then he was made to cry just from being told “your future smells bad.”  Homie must have already been having a bad day.)
We have a trap door in the floor above our hazement. During pledge education sessions actives rain from the sky. TFM
(Hopefully not in an R. Kelly, golden kind of way.)
Wearing Costas with frat straps at night because the sun never sets on cool. TFM.
(And then he crashed the car…  “Sorry for fratting, brofficer.  I might ‘technically’ be drunk but it’s actually just these Costas that made it harder to drive.” Sun never sets on cool sounds like a bad commercial from the 80’s-90’s.)
The only way you can tell what team I’m rooting for is by the colors on my tie. TFM
(The ONLY way?  How about what school you go to?  Or where you’re seated, stadium or tailgate?  Who your friends are?)
(I guess there are always freshmen Greek… and this is just their favorite thing to do. Seriously.  They love to put capital Greek letters to non-coresponding English letters and words.  Are you TOO FRAT TO CARE, or TphO FRdT Tth CARE?)
6’6″, 6″ inseam. TFM.
(That’s the devil’s numbers, boy! Add “6 inch dong” to give us four 6’s instead of three, or put on some shorts that fit your gargantuan stature better. Or something!  You’re gonna scare the good Christian girls.  Be gone demon!  The power of Frat compels you!)
Made a pledge climb a tree and everytime someone walked by he had to make a sex noise. TFM.
(Sex noise like moaning or like squishes?  Why not near an open window so it sounds believable?  Is this a big tree or can they see him sitting?  This has potential but is just… odd.)
We don’t need the ozone. We’ve got the fratmosphere. TFM
(We sure as shit DO need the BROzone layer.  See?  I changed the name so it TOO now fits the name game.)
Slampieces 1 and 2 are partners for a class project. This could go one of two ways. TFM.
(Or THREEways?  Right?  RIGHT?!  No, you’re fucked.  Well not fucked, I think that’s what he’s hoping…  You know what I mean!)
I like my women like I like my milk: rich, white, and 2% fat. TFM.
(Honestly I’m more upset about the milk than the slight racism, you can’t choose who you’re attracted to, buuut it almost sounds like he IS choosing…  Anyway milk: I like it THICC.  And it can’t be rich AND 2%. Just doesn’t work that way.)
I farted, but blamed it on that GDI sitting down alone over in the corner. TFM.
(But if they were that far away and other people heard it they’d know you were lying… was this another one that was supposed to be a TSM?)
Trick-or-treating is for poor kids. My parents gave me Godiva gift baskets. TFM.
(‘Cause when you’re a kid, getting a fun costume, hanging out with your friends and trick or treating for varied candy is just SOOO tedious, boring, and not fun in and of itself.)

Calm down geed, it’s a baggo (editors note: cornhole) bag, not a hacky-sac. Don’t get your cargos in a wad. TFM.

Its called Oxblood, GDI, not ‘reddish brown’. TFM

Just FYI GDI, your moose polo and your cargo shorts don’t match. TFM.

Yes you GuiDI waiter. I’ll have another scotch. TFM

No GDI I do not want to attend your career expo. My career expo is drinking at the fratcastle with alumni during homecoming. TFM.

No GDI, writing down everything the professor says is not going to help you pass the exam. TFM.

No GDI, I’m not signed up for on campus interviewing. If I wanted to talk to a future employer I’d call my dad or one of his friends and make a tee time. TFM

No GDI, your lakehouse is not the same as my gulf view estate. TFM.

No GDI, I don’t want to check out your local band. TFM.

No GDI, I don’t want to go to your lame Halloween party. Besides, I’ll be busy pollinating a sorostitute dressed in a flower lingerie costume at our party while you and your friends are in a jerkle circle with the only girl at yours. TFM.

And yet as much as things change, so do they stay the same.
Growing out the stache for the composite picture. TFM

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