Pizza Hut, the pizza place you call if every other pizza place in town is closed and you’re out of frozen pies, is introducing a new product this month: Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza. I’ll give you a minute to wipe the vomit off your keyboard before we proceed.
This vile, wretched meal will be available June 18. According to Kotaku, some restaurants in the southeast have already unloaded their shipments of disgusting meat cylinders and warm, liquid-y mustard packets. All for your pizza loving pleasure! Hooray!
The Impulsive Buy received a promotional flyer, so this is actually a real thing that is happening. They are putting hot dogs in your pizza crust.
Do you feel sick yet? You should. What kind of pies go well with hot dog stuffed crust? I imagine, when I inevitably order this to see what it is like, I’ll have to stick with a plain cheese pizza. Maybe pepperoni, but definitely nothing else. Do hot dog condiments mix with pizza? Have you ever put ketchup and mustard on a slice of pizza? I haven’t, and never plan to try.
What is sad to me is that there is absolutely a market for this garbage pizza. Pizza Hut likely focus-grouped this combination of “food” with people like the ladies who were fighting in the shampoo aisle at Wal-Mart, and the response was probably overwhelmingly positive.
I’m not a pizza prude. I like different kinds of toppings. Last week, I had a half mac and cheese, half Hawaiian pie in Minnesota. It’s not that I don’t appreciate pizza innovation, it’s that I don’t appreciate this particular pizza innovation — from the developing country of pizza chains.
For me, this order remains the best: Papa Johns, local pizzeria, Dominos, Digiorno, not eating, eating garbage out of my dog’s mouth and finally, Pizza Hut..
Image via YouTube