I know, using the word “lifesaving” in this headline is pretty ironic… isn’t it?
Technology is the tits. There used to be a time when you’d have your normal amount of unprotected sex, get a bit too excited, get weak on that pull out game, and *BAM* you launched your million-man army into a do-or-die situation with only one way out — ridin’ dat egg. And you know your seed ain’t about that pussy shit; you’re about to have quadruplets, son. That is, unless, you can muster up the courage for that awkward talk with the pharmacist about how you need the morning after pill again. She’s not gonna do it; she’s already bawling in the car and telling you how much you betrayed her.
Thankfully, technology has advanced far enough these days to where you can skip that final step and simply run to a nearby vending machine next time you bust your nut in the wrong spot. Or, you could just do it in the butt. I’m just saying. I digress. Back to the vending machine thing.
Don’t expect to find filling snacks or thirst quenching drinks inside UC Davis’ newest vending machine.
Instead, the university is offering a quick fix for that late night or early morning contraceptive need.
The vending machine inside the campus Activities and Recreation Center offers the morning after pill for $30, along with an assortment of other contraceptive items like condoms and pregnancy tests.
UC Davis senior Parteek Singh came up with the idea after a friend was unable to buy the morning after pill in a timely manner.
“They were all out of emergency contraceptives and they weren’t going to get anything until Monday,” Singh said.
The vending machine is open 18 hours a day and is only inaccessible when the building shuts down between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m.
The only other place contraception is sold on campus is in the Student Health and Wellness Center, which is only open during business hours.
Big ups for Parteek and “friend.” Let’s give him three, now. *clap* *clap* *clap*
Not only is the pill from this machine easy to access, but $30 is like half the price these things normally go for. Every time I’ve had a “friend” go to pick one up, it’s at least $50. Parteek out here making this shit easier and cheaper. Save that extra $20 for a bottle of whiskey for a “Not Dads Weekend” event.
Just remember: always do it in the butt. It makes you look cooler. That’s really all there is to it..
Image via Twitter/@KCRAMiller