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Q-Wes-tions With Intern Wes, Part IV

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Ask Intern Wes photo

Is it gay if it’s in a three-way?

With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway. I should know, happens all the time.

Is Bacon actually coked out all the time in the office?

Yeah, he actually hooked me up with some of that Colombian Bambam the other day. He charged $400 a gram, but it was great shit. Smelled just like powdered sugar. I’ve had to stop gumming it though — I got a cavity.

Fuck, marry, kill for Bernie, Hillary, and Trump.

I don’t want to brush my dangly bits against any of them, and would be perfectly fine drawing their names out of a hat for this one.

Are you in the Total Frat Movie?

No, but I’ll probs be the main character in the inevitable squeakquel.

How teeny is your tiny tiny?

Your mom knows I have a really large tiny tiny.

What is your biggest regret?

My biggest current regret is going on for so long with a major I was unhappy with. College is boring if you have a stupid fucking major that you can’t get a good job in, so luckily I figured that out at age 22.

How do you come up with ideas for columns?

I usually just try to put a weird, off-kilter spin on hot button topics. Whenever I have an idea for a column in the middle of the night, I quietly pick up my phone and type it out while trying not to wake your mom.

Would you rather take one 10-inch dick or five 2-inch dicks?

Definitely five two-inchers. I see this as the only option, as the ten-incher would do real damage all up in my anal cavity. I’m guessing it’s pretty difficult to talk to girls at the bar when you have a colostomy bag in tow.

Would you rather save the life of a starving African child that you’ll never meet, or have a working lightsaber?

I’ll take the lightsaber, then head over to Africa and take care of Kony myself.

If you have questions for Intern Wes, send them to @westifer33

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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